it gets harder and harder to leave every time i go there. everytime. it is like an exponential equation spiraling into a bigger and bigger desire to just stay.

it is a battle to say goodbye, and not be sure when the next time i'll make it up will be. i hate now that everytime i leave he hugs me goodbye, as if it will be forever until the next time i see him. the formality is breaking down more and more each time i come. she tells me that i shouldnt go, that i belong there. and i know i do.

i feel it in everything that i am when i walk in the door. i can feel it the moment i climb into my truck to go there, and the moment i climb in to leave the desire to stay overwhelms me.

it is funny, they say sometimes we dont appreciate what we have until it is gone. and i know it is true. i knew that far before this year... i try to appreciate everything i have as much as possible. i know i am a lucky girl.

it isnt gone, they arent gone. they never will be... ever.... i just miss waking up everyday, knowing the little battles could be fought together each day... knowing that no one is perfect and we are all helping each other be more perfect, through fights and cooperation, and each other. we learn so much from each other.

the battle is getting more and more difficult as time goes on. i know where i belong.