she stands on the threshold, looking back, inside what seems like a time vortex, at days past.

she is already halfway out the door.

there is no turning back. she knows this.

but she is not quite ready to let go, not quite ready to say goodbye, despite the way she has acted about the whole situation, saying she just wanted out, just wanted it to be over, just wanted...

but what did she really want? i dont think she even knew. she was always good at that indecision thing. still is. one of her specialties. but with this, a matter soo dear to her heart, it was tougher. the toughest. so she left the decision up to chance, fate you could call it.

but now that fate has kicked in she stands in the doorway, her exit gate, eyes looking back at a place she can no longer be a part of, a place she used to call her own, a place she used to feel safe, and loved, and true. one of the only places she ever felt whole as a person. and looking back on it, it is no longer hers.

a part of her will always remain in that past, in that past, part of her will move to Indiana with that little girl that she wont get to see finish growing up. and the rest of her will move on. she already has her foot halfway in another doorway. she has another home waiting, another place to call her own. and it is beautiful, sooooo beautiful. but it isnt hers. not yet.

full of loving people, people dear to her heart. but still not home.

and will it ever be? she doesnt know. but for now, she must offer no more harsh words, we have already reached an ending. let go.... keep walking out the door.

as birdee from the movie hope floats said. "Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

it's whats in the middle that counts.... and all there is left to do is hope.

but first, right now, it is time to walk out that door.