the days pass so quickly sometimes i almost forget you arent here with us. and then all of a sudden a voicemail, i recognize the number and your smile instantly forms in my mind. it has been weeks since i have heard your voice, and months since i last saw you other than the lonely picture that hangs on the wall.

i used to see just your smile when i thought of you... because that is what you were, you were my goofy, smiling, life-loving boy. now my mind is crowded with all these foreign cloudy images i have of you from your letters... i shiver sometimes because i never wanted you to see or feel any of those things. i still dont.

it is hard to write. i think of all these things i want to say and then cant. i sit here staring at a blank screen while my stomach turns and twists as i think of all the words i could say, all of the times i should have written, all of the pictures i should have sent and i am ashamed. i wish i had something witty or funny to tell you. but still no words come.

...

smile big, boy, and stay brave. oceans may stand between us all, but nothing can keep us apart.

<3