today was a beautiful day. the sun was shining, birds were chirping, there was a slight breeze, and it was the perfect temperature. jeans, flip flops and a t-shirt. perfect warm fall day. i know, it sounds like i am trying to lamely paint a picture here with all the common adjectives in the book, but really, that's what it was like. i was there.

and in the midst of this beautiful day i found myself sitting in the lobby flirting with a boy that i would never be interested in a million years, one that still does not interest me, other than for the simple banter that flirting provides, talking about how i wanted to be outside, and not inside, how i wanted to not be in school, but out riding, leaf peeping, doing all the annoying things tourists do on beautiful new england fall days.

i told him i wasnt a settler. that i didnt like to settle for things when it wasnt right, or wasnt the best. now lets think about this for a second.

this is actually incredibly funny when you think about it...how is it that i can come up with ideas like that in my head because if that is the case then what the fuck am i doing at school, earning my business degree?

i am tired. i am so tired of learning and trying to cram my head full of information that i dont know if i even want to use. i am going to school to get a degree, and blasting myself, killing myself over my grades about something i dont even know if i want to do. but im doing it because it is what i was told i had to do. i had to get a degree.

what the fuck am i going to do with a business degree? im not going to sit in an office my whole life. i cant, and i wont. i am not an office type girl. i am not an office type girl and i am not the girl that sits in the lobby and flirts with some guy just to pass the time, because:
1. i should have been outside enjoying life for a moment
2. i hate that girl
3. that is so an officy thing to do.
4. i am so a settler. and apparently a liar as well.

but apparetnly today, today i am that girl. that girl that sits in the lobby watching the day go by, mindlessly flirting with someone to pass the time because you feel obligated to stay inside and get your work done because once again, that is the "right thing to do"

clearly somewhere along the line i landed myself here, in this horrible vortex of school and work, that for the most part isnt enjoyable for me at all and wont be useful to me in the future, because well it isnt even what i want to do. im going crazy and nothing is distracting enough to even make it worthwhile.

laugh please... because it really is all a little funny.