it is my new goal to try and live life to the fullest, everyday.

i am sick of being pissed off by other people's bad moods. i allow myself to get much to wrapped up in trying to please everyone, and it only puts me in bad moods when other people are negative and bitchy. they don't care about how they make others feel, so why should i care about them? don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i want to stop caring about people. i just want to try and stop caring about the stupid (bitchy) people that generally make my life more miserable than pleasant.

i want to be happy more than anything and i'm tired of letting all the stupid little things in life get me down.

i will get a job, eventually, and it will be what i want to do. if you surround yourself with happy and good people in your life it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you are happy (and can at least pay the bills.) i will find a place somewhere. i will be a wanderer. i'll keep a job for awhile and then move on. i don't think i am a one profession person, and i don't want my job to be who i am.

i have been feeling really negatively about myself lately. i think i am taking on too much negative energy and stress, and it is making me feel ugly and fat. i'm tired of this too. i don't think i will ever be satisfied with myself.

maybe i just need a change in scene. i will miss this place though. i'll miss it sooooooo much. i love this house, and this beach, and yes, even this school. i love the professors that i have gotten to know, and the familiar pathways, and the smell of the ocean. i smell the ocean everyday, i don't even notice it anymore.

i'll miss the po-dunkiness of maine. yes it is hick-y, and sometimes downright trashy, but it can be that way anywhere. i will never be a city girl, i'll always be a country girl through and through. and there is nothing wrong with that.

word-vomit. this is therapeutic.