tommorow we are talking to the vet i was told... a date is going to be set, and we now have to find a place to bury him... i find it truly morbid that we have to set a date as to when we are going to put him down... i just cannot stand the idea of it, it makes it sound like an execution, and its not, he really isnt happy, and i know this is better for him in the end... it is just soo hard sometimes you know... i just want it to be over, all of this waiting makes it worse... i know it sounds horrible, i dont want him to be gone, but he is soo unhappy right now, and the more time that goes by with him unhappy and still here the harder it becomes for me, the more time passes the more i am begginning to doubt that we are making the correct choice. its kind of like, well we have waited this long (almost a year) why not wait a bit longer, he might pull through... but then i think and i know the truth of the matter.... it just kind of sucks... so i will struggle and continue to try to make lemonade out of this situation, and hopefully share some with major on his last few days, because i want him to know he is loved, and will be missed, soo sooo much, and i will never, ever forget the countless things that he taught to me...

when life gives you lemons, make lemonade... i said this to my mom the other day, and she looked at me in a bit of shock, and asked when i became so optimistic, especially with all this, and i have been thinking, and to be honest i dont really know... at times i really dont feel like an optimistic person at all in fact, and i dont feel like i should be, like it is wrong, or something... but it is easier to try and see the good in the bad, than to focus in on the bad... so enjoy your lemonade, and i will try to enjoy mine...

much love,

katie