the clock says 1:42, and I cannot sleep...

I read a lot of my old entries tonight, and tried to think back to exactly what I was thinking about and feeling when I wrote them. For some of them it was hard, but then again, those were all the things I didn't want to remember anyways.

I write about myself a lot, I use the pronoun I a lot. I wonder if this annoys people... I mean really, do you really want to read about me all the time, because I write about me a lot. I sit here and do it again. Does anyone actually want to read this? Do I really care if anyone wants to read it?

of course I do, everyone cares, don't they?

talked a lot about my adolescent years today, or rather listened to you talk about yours. Laughed a lot, cried almost, smiled.

I wondered about my mother's childhood, and my grandmother's, and my father's, and his mother's, and his brother's, and all my family's and close friends'. I like to talk about my life, I wonder if they do too. Is it just because I am trying to figure out life still that I enjoy/need to talk about it... I want to know about their lives. Growing up with their siblings, their first high school crush... Their first kiss. What they liked to do when they were young. How different life was when they went to highschool. I want to learn from them. I wonder if they would want to tell me these things. I want to wake my mother up and talk to her for hours, I would wake anyone up right now just to hear them talk, to hear the sound of their voice.

I feel lonely, and at the same time I feel like I want to be alone, alone with my thoughts, and yet I sit here and share them with you, whoever you are as you read this.

I have nothing more to say.

and I will leave with that note. Have a good night.

love always,

katie