because sometimes i think i dig for answers that i just wont find, and i try to see things that arent there to make myself feel better.

i settle quickly and easily into a routine, but i am not always happy. i have this incredible mask though, but it isnt always the truth you see in my eyes, as much as i want it to be. and as much as i hate lying to myself or anyone else.

i sat on the kitchen floor the other night petting my dog trying to convince myself that this was how it should be. that i should be happy all the time, because i have no reason to be sad, and that i have all a girl could ever ask for at this moment in time.

and i am happy. and i am settled, and stable, and secure. but why should one settle?

so much more i could see, and do, and live and experience. and you want to know the only thing that is holding me back from anything and everything i think i may want. no one but me.

no it's not that im not happy, or i am lacking in anything, i just want more.

i am a greedy complaining bitch.

but at least i know it... if that is consoling at all.