i love to hear the sound of your voice, even at 2 am on a school night. it has soothing qualities for me, and i treat it as a precious gift. even so, i still cant sleep.

tonight the moon was low enough that as we spoke i could see it through my window, it was cloudy, but bright enough that i could see its outline through the clouds. i wondered if you could see it too, but i didnt ask. sometimes i dont ask questions even if i want to, i dont know why, i think sometimes somethings are better left to the imagination.

as the days grow longer and the sun keeps the stars hiding for longer and longer periods of time i get more and more anxious. this culminating year of my life is flying by, but also crawling. hampered down by this sickness i cant seem to shake brings me down a great deal, and keeps me up at night. on the warm spring like days i want to go out and run in the sunshine, but im afraid of where my feet will take me, how far they will run on their own. summer is fast approaching and so is leaving; both of which i nervously await. i want for school to be over, but i dont want to leave those familiar hallways. and sometimes i just get plain sick of you being away.

i worry about the boy with the open mouth grin, and i count down the days till he will come home for both you and me, as i miss one of my best friends. i am afraid of the changes i will see, i am afraid i will miss the person that left.

the future scares me sometimes, for as much as there is to look forward too it is also scary.

i feel like a jumbled mess.

a jumbled mess.