there is this nasty bitter feeling deep in my heart, and a lump in my throat that has been growing these past few days. i have secrets, and i dont want to tell them, so my face remains expressionless, with the exception of a sometimes fake smile.

it is crumbling fast though, this mask, and im not sure how much longer i can keep it up.

you see, i do this routine, when things fall apart or come to an end. i distance.

i run away from the thing that hurts me, and i distance myself from people and things, because i think maybe it will cushion the blow.

i dont give hugs to the teachers i know i should and i know i will miss. i dont stay late at bbq's with my friends, or go out for icecream after award ceremonies. because i know this is the end. i know these are the last few times i will see these people, and i dont like to think about it. i dont like to feel it, i dont like it at all.

im sorry, and im selfish. but that is what i have been doing. it is my biggest defense mechanism. and i dont like it at all.

. . . d i s t a n c e . . .