a complete stranger told me the other day that i looked just like her... i was baffled, i had to check and make sure it was actually my mother she was talking about... we dont really get along all that well, and when i look at her i dont see me, or at least i didnt... and then i started thinking about it today....

shawn always calls me mean jeanne, when he thinks i sound like her, and he does it a lot... and i dont mean, how her voice actually sounds, but what she says, and the meaning behind her words. i always used to look at him with shock, and laugh, but he was being serious..

and i always thought that was weird, because my mother and i dont always get along, its not that i dont love her, i think its more just i can manage my own life for the most part, and she really would rather be a big part of it, and she isnt... so when i handle my own problems, or when i am upset and i dont come crying to her she is insulted almost.. and i think thats why we dont always get along, she wants to be there more, and she doesnt know how, cuz i dont really let her...

the ironic thing in all this, is it was my mother who really made me who i am today, she made me into the independent young woman i am... so in trying to keep me close, ultimately she pushed me away...

but in hearing from these two people how much i resemble her, and how much i sound like her i have to reconsider my opinion. i think next time shawn tells me i sound like my mom i will be proud instead of surprised... she works hard for what she wants and believes in, and most of the time that is me, and my brother... and she makes time in the day to do what she loves, painting... i think she has it pretty damn good, and so do i. so next time someone tells me I am like her, I will look at them and thank them, cuz its really something to be proud of…

much love,

katie