He knew something was wrong the second he walked into the room. He had known something was wrong when she walked away from him outside, with her head down, shoulders slumped, and a gleam in her eyes. When he walked into the room everything was silent, and she was sitting in the gray swivel chair at the very back of the room, her head turned away, petting the cat, the only thing making noise in the room, its loud purr echoing in the silence. This was unusual; she did not usually stop working to pet a cat when there was so much to be done. He came up behind her, and grabbed her, gently, saying “Grrr I’m a bear," in a vain effort to make her smile, it was pathetic, but a gesture nonetheless, and that meant something.

So she began to cry. It was going to happen eventually. She had felt it building up all day. From the moment he asked if someone else could live there, she knew she wouldn’t be able to take it without at least one good cry.

Sometimes she forgot that he was gone, he was gone, and he wasn’t going to come back.

And she forgot this sometimes.

It was natural to forget; when he was there she tried not to look at him most of the time because that made her sad. But now that she thinks about it, the fact that she did that makes her even more upset. Why ignore him while he was still there? Just because you couldn’t stand to see him that way? How do you think that made him feel?

You are a selfish girl she thinks to herself. A selfish disgusting girl. She is disgusted with herself, and sad all at once, and it is just to much to take. She continues to cry.

He stands behind her and holds her as she cries. She sobs, screaming sometimes.
“I forget sometimes he is gone, and when I do remember....”
“I miss him.”
But mostly, “I don’t want to cry.”

She thinks that if she cries in front of them they will think she is weak. She knows that they love her, but she still doesn’t want to cry, not in front of them, not in front of anyone.

Crying is not as easy as it seems.

But he stands there, behind her, and holds her. And she leans on his arms. And she cries, and screams. And he doesn’t leave her. It is okay to cry in front of him, he won’t leave.

She comes in, and runs immediately over… “What is the matter, are you upset because I yelled earlier?” Worry lines her usually happy face.

She looks up at the man that she loves, the man holding the girl who is crying uncontrollably. He shakes his head, and says one word. One word that explains everything.

“Major”

It is her turn to hold the crying girl. They sit down on the floor together, and the man leaves; there is only so much he can do.

They sit and talk and cry together, it was a loss for everyone. She tells her it is ok to cry. If you do not cry you cannot move on sometimes. Sometimes you need to cry. They hug, and she begins to cry again. She cries for him, she cries for herself. It is the most that she has cried about the whole thing.

And then, as she cries, she begins to realize that everything will be okay. Someday, she will see him again. And for the time being, there is so much work to do, so much to live for, and so much to love.

So much to love.

Everything will be okay.

Crying is okay.

The sad girl is okay.

She is no longer a sad girl, but now she knows sometimes it is okay to cry, and it is okay to be sad.

She learns that these things take time to heal, and sometimes they never do. And there will be someone there for her always.

But most importantly she learns,
It is okay to cry.


Love Always,

katie