it feels weird staying in her "other" home. it doesnt quite feel right. it is bigger than i imagined it would be, possibly because of the tension created by the girl on the top bunk, possibly because even though there are four people in the tiny room and it doesnt quite feel comfortable, but either way it doesnt feel like home.

i have a hard time sleeping, with the cold wall to my back. no it is not boring i tell her. i am not lying, it isnt boring, it isnt horrible, it isnt stupid. it is different.

i dont like different all the time. i dont like change, and this is change. the room smells like vanilla, it is a warm home like smell, but still not right.

the boy with the open mouth grin falls asleep on her bed, and we leave him there. he stays the night, and i am glad. i was afraid he would fall asleep on the ride home. he worries me sometimes. he worries me all the time, his future, overseas worries me.

but here tonight, it is ok, almost, because he is asleep on the other bed, snoring quietly, and not driving off the road. it feels more comfortable with everyone sleeping. i dont have to listen to the girl on the top bunk make inappropriate comments for the moment, and i dont have to pretend to like her when really i dont.

but when everyone is asleep it almost feels alright. we are all safe, and everyone seems content. i love to listen to them sleep, it almost feels like home. home is where the heart is they say, and i love my friends, with all my heart.

i dont sleep, because i still dont feel quite right... give it time.