interesting isn't it, how every time i think i finally have everything under control in my life it all goes haywire.

doesn't make any sense if you ask me... but then again who said life always had to make sense.
"that's the way this wheel keeps turning now."

its not that anything is actually wrong, just that feeling i thought i had... that feeling like i was ready for anything, i lost it. to be honest i don't know if i actually had it, it was nice thinking that i did for awhile. but then, bam....

you tell me one thing today and it is completely lost. 3 or 4 little words, and woosh, its all gone. i keep asking myself what it is that i want... what will make me happy? and i can find no answer. but i think that's mostly due to the fact that whenever i try to think of my own happiness or what i want, i think of someone else instead, and what they would want me to do.

i need to find a way back to myself. to answer my question myself, only then will i know.

its ok. everything is ok. time, only time will tell.



but i wish it were easier than that. i wish you could just come up to me, say a few words, and that feeling would come back.

but life just isn't that easy, is it?