people move in and out of our lives, ever flowing, ever moving, ever changing like the ocean tides. some washing away and out to sea with the undertow, and others brought in closer to our shores, pulled in by our currents. they swim closer to us, for safety and support.

but what happens when the beach begins to wither away? only so much sand can go out with the tide, with the ocean.... what happens when the shore is stretched too thin? will the waters leave the beach, no.... i think not. the pull is too strong, that darn gravity thing. no the water will just overtake the beach. the beach will be no more, and the water will create new shores to pull and tug, and sweep away.

sometimes it all seems so much...
dont leave this alcove, dont leave this shore, not yet. it may be stretched thin, but there is still room, still plenty of room. tug and pull and lean, and sweep all you want. please.


"lean on me,
when you're not strong,
ill be your friend,
ill help you carry on,
for, no it wont be long,
till im gonna need,
somebody to lean on..."

Multi-tasking, another one of their many talents.

singing, carving pumpkins, dancing, and watching the red sox all at once.

and in the end, stanley kicked ass, we memorized the entire song, (after listening to it on repeat a million times, no the cd player wasnt broken) and we have some kick ass dance moves.

a night away from it all.

good thing
-david ryan harris

you should move on.
try to move on and leave this alone.
im busy trying to make plans for my future
and youre hanging on to my past.

now, in hindsight, it wasn't all right,
but it wasn't all wrong. (stress the T's, abuh.)
we had a love that seemed strong at the start,
but i knew that it wouldnt last.

we had a good thing, dont get me wrong,
but its not meant to be, so sing a little song.
we had a goodthing dont get me wrong,
but its time to move on beacause the good thing is gone.

go on and find some peace of mind
and maybe in time youll find someone that loves all that you do,
someone closer to perfect for you.

we had a good thing, dont get me wrong,
but its not meant to be, so sing a little song.
we had a goodthing dont get me wrong,
but its time to move on beacause the good thing is gone.

find someone that loves you baby.
find someone else that drives you crazy,
becuse im so in love with someone new
and i really want you to find the same for you.

find someone that loves your lips,
your smile your kiss your sugarfree hips.
im so in love with someone new
and i really want you to find the same for you.

we had a good thing, dont get me wrong,
but its not meant to be, so sing a little song.
we had a goodthing dont get me wrong,
but its time to move on because the good thing is gone....

today i talked to a boy that has decided to dedicate the next 6 years of his life to the service of this great country, and a girl that is learning how to teach 10 year olds how to read and write. and a boy that is building bridges, and designing houses. and another girl that wants to be a biochemist. and a boy that knows he will be an electrician, just like his father. and another girl that wants to possibly teach math.

all of them preparing for their futures.

...and all going down completely different paths. one overseas, one to the classroom, one to an office, one a laboratory, another a workshop, and another still unsure. and i wonder in 6 years will they all still be friends? will they all still be able to laugh, and smile, and joke around, and enjoy each others company as they do now? will time make memories fade, and friendships along with them? will the phone calls and emails and saturday nights end after this summer, after next summer? after next year? or will it last forever? as i like to believe all good things do...

will they all end up in the places they are heading towards right now? will they be married?

and where will i be in all this? because right now, i dont like to think about life without these people... not one little bit. but will i feel the same in the future. or will distance and time wither our wonderful bonds?

i sure hope not, because they mean the world to me. really, all of you do. and i hope you dont need to read this to know it.

its coming, closer and closer, june 3rd 2005. a date that i am both excitedly awaiting, and silently dreading at the same time...

lets live in the moment, and say every feeling we have at every moment, even if sally doesnt think it can or should be done, because you make me want to be honest with you, all the time.

the board in front of me says our game time is almost up. we are almost to the finish, like the end of rainbow trail in candy land. i say, it doesnt matter who comes out first in the end, lets forget about the endings, and the beginnings, and turn around, walk hand in hand, back the way we came, or perhaps even down a different path.

because its not a game, it is life, and its not about the endings, or who came up on top. its about the journey, and ours, well, im not quite ready for ours to be over.

oh pretty girl, why do you cry so? wipe those tears from your blue eyes, they are blue enough already without them. blue as the ocean, and just as deep, just like your daddy says.

look at the way the hair clings to your face, those blond tendrills should fly free in the breeze, not be damp and dripping with sorrow. smile. smile with your eyes and mouth, and lets go out and laugh together. because although laughing alone is nice, laughing together is nicer. wipe those tears from your eyes, because outside it is cold, and you wouldnt want to freeze your little nose and face.

here, do you want to use my shirt as a tissue? it is okay to cry, and my shirt wont mind the salt from your tears. but please, do stop crying soon, there is so much to smile about.

wipe those tears from your eyes, because when you cry so, it breaks my heart.

and nobody likes a broken heart...

Dress pants a peacoat and a scarf and I am off for another night on the town… another? wait, who are we kidding. I’m off for a night on the town. At the train station we wait, father and daughter, he talks of politics and voting antics. I notice more and more in the twilight of the fall evening the graying of his beard. He is smart, oh so smart, and I wish we talked more often. I love the sound of his voice, and his stutter makes me laugh, only because I know he doesn’t stutter due to a speech impediment, but he stutters because when he talks his brain moves to quickly for his tongue to handle, and so sometimes it comes out a jumbled mess. But I love to hear him speak. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him, so I look him straight in the eye as he talks, conveying my love with my patient listening. The train arrives too quickly and I wave goodbye to him, as he fades into the distance.

The conductor takes my ticket, and we talk about the red sox game. I am dressed up and I feel out of place. But when I look out the window and fade into the fall scenery, nothing matters.

Boston is a beautiful city at night. In Cambridge I find my mum on the platform, awaiting me, I am glad, as this little girl is still overwhelmed by the big city at times. On the red line mother and daughter meet up with another pretty girl coming from a college town, in black dress pants, and a new black peacoat. Feeling very adult and sophisticated, the girls giggle on the train, and talk about silly things, as best friends do, seemingly ruining the adult moment, but really making it perfect, because it just wouldn’t be them otherwise.

They walk down the streets of boston, heels clicking on the pavement. They are more than ready for the evening of wonderful music as they listen to the cheering from inside fenway. They stand just inches away from the home of the beloved red sox, but their venue from the evening is in a chic little club across from the green monster.

Inside a man sings about his love in LA, and his sweet, smooth and soulful voice is both beautiful and very sexy.

The man of the hour however, jamie cullum comes later on, and serenades us to his upbeat, and jazzy and orgasmically sexy voice. Dancing and jumping on stage, swooning the crowd with his wit, and playing the piano with his hands feet and stool, I am swept away by the music. Everything fades but the sound. And then it is over, and out into the beautiful city we venture again.

Upon leaving the club into the crisp fall evening, I again reassert the fact that at some point in my life I want to fall in love with a musician, because to have someone sing to me like that would be not only amazing, it might quite possibly kill me, and at the same time it would be in-fucking-credible.

As we run down to the t I am glad to be hurrying in the cold with you running beside me. We look very sophisticated together this fine evening, and I am oh-so-fortunate to have found such a wonderful, kind, caring, silly, and very similar person to call my best friend. The evening wouldn’t have been the same without you. Our taste in music is amazing dear friend, if I don’t say so myself. ;-)

On the drive home, I listen to the red sox make a come back winning the 5th game of the series and staying alive for another shot at the yanks. what could be better?

Oh what a night.

Apogee Major Motion
1986-2003

One year ago today. my-oh-my how the time flies.

Rest in Peace. Our memories will last forever.

may your pastures always be green, and may the sun always shine down on you. i miss you.

forever in my heart.

Let’s put on red rubber boots and yellow rain slickers and play in the rain for the afternoon. we’ll pretend to be little girls, and forget about being grown up for a while, no college, no school, no homework, no boys, no jobs, no stress, no military, no future. just now. just you and me and puddles and red rubber boots and yellow rain slickers.

let's go out and jump in puddles, and laugh, and giggle, and splash each other. and when we get sufficiently tired of jumping in puddles, we can take out our umbrellas, and walk with out noses pointed up in the air, because all the pretty ladies in old fashioned black and white movies walk with their noses pointed up when they walk in the rain with their fancy umbrellas. And because having the privilege of walking with an umbrella is a very grown up thing to do, and we, as little girls, like to pretend to be grown up.

And when we are done being grown up we can use our umbrellas and fly up through the red and yellow leaves, through the trees, and up to the clouds, just like mary poppins. We can sing songs, and laugh and be happy. And don’t worry my dear friend, rain drops never laugh at notes sung out of key.

And finally when we are done flying, and return to earth and realize that our socks are soaked from our previous puddle jumping experience (because we jumped soooo high that even our red rubber boots weren’t tall enough to keep the water out) we can go inside, where hot chocolate and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies will be waiting for us. and we can giggle and laugh, and wrap ourselves up in hot towels just out of the dryer. Because of course, even though we had the rain slickers and umbrellas these adventurers are still soaked to the bones.

Let's be little girls again, just for an afternoon, and put on yellow rain slickers and red rubber boots and play in the rain.

With rosy cheeks, and chilled toes, but happy hearts.

can we really rely on the all deciding game of rock-paper-scissors-shoot?

words of wisdom from ashley:

"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors... but there is NO f*ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why --- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds... When I play rock/paper/scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "Oh shit, I'm sorry --- I thought paper would protect you, ASSHOLE!"

........?

"let's make life like this for awhile,
and then, i'll go,
or if you want,
or if you want,
i'll stay."
-j.v.

sometimes you have to live your life from moment to moment. throw yourself 100% into everything that you care about. it will make it that much better. it might hurt more when you fall, but when you soar, the view is that much better.

and keep on talking. because the sound of your voice is soothing, and your opinion matters. everyone. im listening.

learning, everyday.

the stars were absolutely breath taking tonight. the moon was hiding, and the stars were attempting to make up for his absence. and although they were amazing, they couldnt quite shine as brightly.

i miss you like the sky misses the moon when he hides himself from the earth.

i know you arent gone, just away for awhile. teasing. like the moon who hides his face from the earth for a few days every month. except, you are gone for most of the month and around only a few days.

i prefer the moons idea over yours. but sometimes we cannot help these things. so i will be content with the moon for most of the month, and you the remainder.

missing you.

if i were to run, would i find you at the front door to catch me before i got out of the house?

because, of course, if i were to run, i would leave the house in most likely a t-shirt and jeans, maybe a sweater. but no scarf, gloves, or hat. and you know how easily i get cold. would you be there to keep me warm?

and if i were to run i would most likely get lost, because well, i wouldnt know where to go. and as making decisions isnt always my strong point, and i am directionally challenged, would you hold my hand, and show me the way? i could quite possibly get very lost. would you be my map?

and if you were to catch me at the front door, would you have a camera? because you know how i am incredibly sentimental about pictures, and if we were to go on an adventure somewhere you know i would want pictures to remember it.

if i were to run, would you run with me?

we spoke in whispers, so as not to wake the boy with the open mouth grin, who was sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat.

telling secrets in voices that only the night and cold will hear, we decide that boys are not so bad upon seeing the peaceful and adorable state in which he sleeps, calmly, like a baby, with his mouth open, just like his goofy grin.

The evening seems perfect, as I realize that nothing has changed with us. Summer has come and gone, people have grown up, time has passed, people have left, but everything with them seems relatively the same.

He snores gently as she starts the car, and we drive in silence, listening to the engine rev and the boy with the open mouth grin. When we get to your house again, we decide to let him sleep longer while we try to understand the undecipherable actions of others and their mysterious and frustrating ways, talking about things that we always talk about, and make plans for the next weekend. 20 minutes later I roll over realizing I too fell asleep, comfortably lying across the back seat of the car. Sitting up, I see both the driver and passenger are asleep as well and I feel better knowing that I didn’t fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.

it is comforting to listen to the heavy breathing of the both of you sleeping, and I close my eyes content to listen to you sleep. It is 1 in the morning when I open my eyes again, and we should be heading home, as I have to work in the morning, and if we stay there any longer I might fall asleep again, and end up spending the night in the back of your car.

We wake the boy with the open mouthed grin up, and confused he asks how long he was asleep. We lie and tell him that it hasn’t been long at all, but as it is obvious that he is still exhausted I take the keys and drive his car. He claims to feel bad, and tries to stay awake to keep me company on the way to my house. He makes it only 2 minutes down the road, and again is snoring. I turn off the radio, and drive the speed limit, listening, content.

I wake him again when we arrive at my house, give him a few minutes to recover, and then let him get back into the drivers seat. I get in the house and call him to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep on his drive home. We talk about life and work and next weekend, when we plan to do it all again.

“take my hand, live while you can.”

"And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me."

-come away with me