And at night the stars they put on a show for free
And, darling, you can share it all with me
That's what i said
Keep on telling you...
-on the roof

happy new year everyone. may yours be filled with joy and happiness, smiles and laughter, always.

much love.

do you ever get tired of pretending that you are soo strong...?


i do baby...

we stumble out of cars late at night. late nights are our thing. i am afraid to leave the warmth of being with you. all of you. your joy keeps me warm and glowing, and i feed off of your energy like crazy, soaking it up like a flower in the sunshine, i bask in your happiness.

later that night, when my eye lids no longer want to stay open i sit waiting on the couch for your arrival. the only thing keeping sleep and dreams from my eyes and mind is the thought of your smile filled and giggly arrive that almost always walks in my front door.

upon your arrival we of course stay up much later than even before, because, i feed off of your excitment, and am awakened in your presence. i will pay tomorow in school, i know, but that i will worry about tomorow, because now, now is time to laugh and giggle and talk. because when you are home we must take advantage of all the time we can.

sometimes when i miss you when you are gone i go back through the months and read about all the adventures we have gone on. tonight reminds me of new years last year, when you kept me up till 5 am when i had to work at 8 am the next day. i remember almost everything. it is crazy how different little things remind me of the all too many memorable moments of we have had together. and so, when reading about new years i also stumbled across my '04 resolution, and since, i think of all people you know me the best i will ask you best friend, or anyone. did i keep my resolution? i know its a little early to ask, but hey i still have a few days to try.

2004 New Years Resolution: Follow through with all of the things I say I am going to do. (Because I am a person that has made far to many broken promises.)

Merry Christmas everyone. much love.

cloud covered moonlight, a forgotten camera, clunky shoes and cold mist seemed to set the mood last night as we piled in the van and drove out into the night for our last night-time outing of this year, and for the next three months.

but despite the cold, and the mist, the forgetfulness and the clunky shoes, (oh and wait, cant forget about the old men) the night was perfect regardless. full of friends and smiling faces and laughter and happiness and memories.

ok, so maybe it wasnt perfect. the dancing skills were lacking. but.... that is what this summer is for, right case?

thank you bri and case and ash and aj and laura and dave and eric.

it seems i have many wonderful memories with all of you, lets keep it that way, and keep it expanding. much love.

lets pretend just for a minute that i am not the type of girl that changes her mind all the time.


ha, minutes over... cant fool anyone.

but the things that are important, the people that are important are still the same.

funny how that works.

snowflakes clung to long inviting eyelashes and the charlie brown christmas version of oh christmas tree played in my head as i walked the short distance from the front door to my car, taking in the beauty and serenity of the winter scene before me.

it made me think of last year, talking to one of my favorite boys of all time about the perfect first kiss, mine would have taken place in just such a wintry setting.

(now i know the truth, that most first kisses are very awkward and no matter how romantic you want it to be they usually aren't.)

but regardless this is what i thought of, and suddenly my evening seemed a little chillier without you there.

someday soon boy, when we go walking in my perfect winter wonderland, lets pretend just for a minute that it's our first kiss.

and i give you my permission to take my breath away.

to the boy with the open mouthed grin:

there is coming a day in the very near future when you will don a uniform and a close cropped hair cut that will set you apart from the rest. you will get on a plane, and fly hundreds of miles away from home, not to return for 3 long months (also 90 days, 2,160 hours, 129,600 minutes, 7,776,000 seconds, and well you get the point.) i have a count down going till the time you come home.

no phone calls, no text messages, or IM's or visits. no stories, or grin or laugh. for three months. just letters and pictures of the man you were before you left. my dear boy with the open mouth grin.


i will miss you boy, now and forever, because in april when you return you will be different. i can feel it in my bones, and oh how they ache for you and the family and friends you leave behind. but you must go out there and become"the man you want to be."

this is your future however, is a future you chose for yourself, and because of that i respect you. i will miss you greatly, but you should chase your dreams from here to the stars and back. on one condition. when you get back from this new adventure in the real world, be sure to tell me all about it. i always love the stories you tell the most.

love you bri. keep your goofy grin, and your stories always. and dont forget to write.

love always,

katie

he talks about yesterdays and tomorrows and today all in one breath, never confusing himself, but leaving those around him spinning. his eyes dance when he talks about the future, his tomorrows, and he smiles at me through the cold wintry morning. he is a man with a thousand dreams and the will and ambition to make every last one of them come true. even if sometimes he loses hope. i know he can do it.

sometimes on bad days i see frustration build within his heart, and cloud his sight. i hate to see him discouraged, is it ugly and foreboding.

today was a happy day. we spoke of tomorrows and your face was glowing with excitement. and boy, did i smile when you mentioned me in your tomorrow, and your day after that, and day after that. sometimes it is nice to know there is more than one place you can call home.

love you big brother.

we dance around each other's lives in these never ending circles. a push here, a nudge there, never quite connecting or even allowing them to touch for more than a few brief moments in time, so brief they seem only slip ups. maybe you really dont care or want to know. maybe those supposed slip ups are just that, mistakes. but i cant help feeling like you want to talk. you want to tell me something more than what you are simply saying out loud in front of everyone. your eyes tell me multitudes of things. and none of them are that you made a mistake.

sincerity in body language is so obvious sometimes it is amazing. words have little power in comparison.

so next time our circles touch, im going to make you dance, and dance with me...

i want to know the truth.

Anne: ...I went looking for my ideals outside of myself,
I discovered it's not what the world holds for you,
Its what you bring to it. The dreams dearest to my
heart are right here....

Gilbert: Well I hope you keep on dreaming.
It will be three years before I finish Medical School,
even then there won't be any diamond sunbursts or
marble halls....

Anne: I don't want sunbursts or marble halls.
I just want you....

--Anne of Green Gables

sleep filled eyes greet me as she comes down the stairs, and brightens when she sees it is me still up, unable to sleep.

we talk of summer and pretty things and warmer times, but it is cozy on the couch, just the two of us, and i am no longer cold. i love the winter despite the cold, but for some reason sleep didnt come tonight. her warmth and maternal comfort however, soon make me sleepy, as body heat usually does.

it has been so long since it has been just the two of us. work has consumed both of our lives to the point where a hello and small conversation at the dinner table is all that unites us. it makes me sad, and suddenly i want to cry.

but she knows before the tears come, and i realize nothing is lost. nothing will ever be lost between us. mother and daughter are special like that. :-)

because you said too...

Ten Random Things About Me:
1. Horses are my passion.
2. My family has had three dogs, all of them adopted, and mutts.
3. If I was a boy, my parents were going to name me Spike.
4. Batman was my hero growing up.
5. I love snow, and winter, and fall, and well all seasons but especially winter and fall.
6. I am totally not ticklish.
7. I am totally lying about number 6.
8. I am very indecisive.
9. My friends and family often take highest priority in my life.
10. I love music, all kinds of it.

Nine Places I've Visited:
1. Bahamas
2. Colorado
3. North Carolina
4. Pennsylvania
5. Maine
6. New York
7. North Dakota
8. Oklahoma
9. South Dakota

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Travel lots and to fun places.
2. Win a world title.
3. Jump out of an airplane (cure my fear of heights).
4. Witness a miracle.
5. Learn something new everyday.
6. Remedy the common cold. (I know it’s a stretch, but if you have had a cold, and I know you have, you know how it is.)
7. Write a book.
8. Live, love and laugh, everyday.

Seven Things To Win My Heart:
1. Love me for who I am.
2. Respect, everyone.
3. Be You.
4. Love my family and friends.
5. Be able to make me laugh.
6. Write or sing me a song.
7. Love life.

Six Things I Believe In:
1. My Family
2. My Friends
3. Love
4. Home is where the heart is.
5. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
6. Goodbye does not mean forever.

Five Things I'm Afraid Of:
1. Death.
2. Losing the ones I love.
3. Heights.
4. Losing my memory.
5. Disappointing, anyone.

Four Favorite Items in My Room:
1. My Pictures.
2. My bed.
3. My flowers.
4. The mess that makes it my room.

Three Things I Do Every Day:
1. Worry about college.
2. Something horse/work related.
3. Miss Ashley and AJ.

Two Things I'm Trying Not To Do Right Now:
1. Homework
2. Cry (my mom is cooking with onions, they always get to me.)

Person I Want To See Right Now:
… too many to name …

"tell me a story"

one of my absolute favorite lines. a filler for a gap in conversation, or sometimes just to know what is going on in your head. whether it is about your childhood, or something funny that happened last week, i want to know. i love to tell stories. i tell them all the time. but i like to take the time to listen too. i want to know everything worth knowing about my friends.

we keep getting bombarded by short little intervals. bursts of excitement, bursts of pain, bursts of sun, and bursts of rain. they say nothing is forever but i dont agree. stories are forever. legends and heroes are forever. even if forever is only as long as i live.

she often calls me up to tell me stories. the stories most of the time involve both of us together, on our 'adventures.' those are the stories i treasure the most. the stories that are closest to my heart. the stories we could tell over and over and over again to each other and never get sick of.

lets make stories together.
lets make stories worth telling to our grandchildren.

so then, when i ask you 'tell me a story', and you know i will, we will have a whole library to choose from.