i watched it rain from a distance. where i was it was overcast, the sky was grey with patches of blue. but to the west it was raining...

it is a peculiar thing to watch it rain from a distance. you can only tell by looking at the clouds, but there is no mistaking it is raining. the clouds reach down toward the ground in dark black streaks. and the way that they streak makes the sky look like someone tried to smooth out the clouds, like when one smoothes out frosting on a cake, and no matter how hard you try, you can still see where the knife pulled the frosting across the top.

it also reminds me of how mascara looks on your face after you have a good cry. it gets all streaked and watery looking. so to me it looks like the clouds are crying.

and i must say, it was a strangely beautiful sight to see...

they go through cigarettes like a child with their favorite candy, smoking even before they eat their breakfast...

such beautiful people, my family, and all i can think is, my gosh what a waste.

all there is left for me to do is love them for who they are, because some people just cannot change...

and i have yet another reason never to smoke in my life...


i just wish that that wasn't one of them...

I missed him today, and I also realized today that I will miss him for the rest of my life. and I have decided that that is not a bad thing. because he was wonderful, and for him not to be missed would be a horrible thing.

I found his nameplate the other day, in the tack room, stuck behind some other papers. my guess is Jamie put it there so I wouldn't be upset when I saw it. so I took it, and I put it in my truck, I put it on the sun visor, because I don?t have a mirror, and so now, whenever the sun gets in my eyes, and I have to flip it down I will think of him.

He will forever be in my heart, as I hope I was in his.

and now it makes me so incredibly happy that i can smile when i think of him... because he would hate for me to cry...

with everyday comes another adventure... and i am ever so grateful for that...

love always,

katie

and some things just fit...

you don't always know why, but they do...
and for the time being, i think it is better not to know why, because if we question too many things it can take the fun out of surprise, and life can be pretty surprising...

and hell, surprise is a good thing, most of the time, if anything it is at least something different. so for the moment, no questions, just livin'...

have a good night, and if you get a chance the stars are beautiful.

love always,
because love should be an always thing,

katie

i forgot how angry i used to get at him, and how angry i can still get at him, and at the same time, how well we get along...

sometimes i just want to scream and scream at him until i collapse... and then, there are days like today, that remind me of exactly why i love him so much, and why we get along so well, and why we fight so much at the same time... and i think this is because we are soo alike sometimes it is scary.

today we finished up early, and so we had plenty of time to just chill out.... and we did... we just sat in complete silence for about 10 minutes, because on occasion we do that, we just sit, and by being in the same room at the same time that is just enough, words aren't needed... and then we talked, we can talk about anything together, most of the time it is meaningless, and silly, but today we really talked... we haven't done that in a long time.

he offered me a job for this summer, which i might have to take, i am so desperate for money it is ridiculous... not to mention that would totally be awesome, since we ususally work together anyways, and otherwise this summer we probably wouldn't because of all the changes going on...

but, it could put me in a lot of trouble with Jaime, and i don't know if i want to risk it... its not like anything at all would change, i would just be working only for him, and i would be getting paid... Which how could that get any better? i would still be at the same place, with the same people, all of which i love, but now i would be getting paid to do what i love! that would be absolutely wonderful...

gosh i wish money was not something that played in here. it is something that can completly kill human emotions... i mean look at greed and what it does to people... i could do without money all together in fact... everything would be soo much better, and happier... i don't know what to do... hopefully it will all work out...

much love,

katie

these are the times of our lives... don't ever forget that...

so just go ahead and live...

much love,

katie

and you made me smile today...

you were working hard and concentrating, and when you do this your eyebrows come closer together, and you look straight ahead. and then you look like you are going to frown, but when one looks into your eyes, you can tell from your eyes that it isn't out of anger or frustration, just concentration, and i think it is adorable...

and i really like that... the fact that you love what you do so much, and you work hard at it, and don't slack... there are too many slackers in this world, and at times, i am one of them... but to watch you working so hard, and concentrating made me smile today, and made me want to work harder, even though what i was doing, wasn't really something i enjoy, but i wanted to work harder for you... and so i did, and that made me happy, even though no one probably noticed the extra effort i put in, i still know i did, and i know the reason, because of the cute way you frown when you concentrate ohh so hard...

and so i would like to say thank you to you, and your little frown, for making me want to strive to be my best today, as i should strive to be my best always...

i cannot begin to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me...



i love you....



and thank you, thank you ohh, soo much....

it was dark, very dark, too dark it seemed for only 5:45, and my toes were cold... so i blasted the heat, and turned up my cd player... and i drove home, and i listened to the words of my favorite song for the third time today, but this time i really listened to the words, and the song that i play almost everyday took on a completely different meaning.

and so i hit replay, and turned down the wrong road on purpose, so i could listen again, and took the long way home, just to hear it in a whole new way, and it was amazing....

i wish i had more time to look at all the little things in life. a little more time, and the universe might be a completely different place...

and i honestly don't think i have laughed that hard in a long time....
















and, i was never a little boy..... ;)






thanks guys! i love ya!

it was strange, i didn't realize how well i knew her, or how well she knew me until the other night, or at least i wasn't fully aware of it...

i was rushing around to get ready, because of course, being me, when she told me to just be ready and she would come to pick me up in about an hour, i waited around, and went online, and watched tv for about 30 minutes before i thought about getting ready...

anyways, i was rushing around to get ready, and in running from my room to the downstairs bathroom i decided it was time for a little mraz, because i love the christmas toons, but, i needed a little something upbeat tonight. so i run back upstairs to get my cd, and come downstairs and what do you know... who is here, and who isn't ready by anymeans....

so i hop into her little green saturn, and she is changing her cd, telling me not to look, because it is a surprise. i shut my eyes, and put on my seat belt, and tell her, alright, but afterward we have to listen to my cd. but then what do you know, she hits play, and curbside profit is blasting, because we always play that song loud, because we have to sing to it, but we don't want to hear ourselves, because we, by no means can sing.

and it was one of those just because kind of things... and all i can do is laugh, because we both thought of the exact same thing... time for a little mraz.

i think it is great to have someone that knows you so well... a little scary at times, but also wonderful. i feel like i have an older sister, but better, because she is also a best friend, something that i have always wanted.

it was a strange esp kind of moment, and it made me smile...

here is to a night with a little mraz....

much love,

katie

had an awesome time tonight guys! can't stop smiling.... glad i could spend some time with some people that i dont usually see... here is to many more late nights bowling!

haha :)

and congrats to the 2004 seniors on an awesome last preformance home! and to the football team, two wins in a row, keep it up boys!


much, much love,

katie

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say 'move along'
Their minds say 'gotcha heart'
'Let's move it along'

And airports see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last
To love her

You can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing the seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you don't be the first
No you won't be the first
To love me

You can find me
If you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much one part of it
You can't love too much one part of it

I believe that my life's gonna see
That love I give returned to me...~John Mayer, Wheel


and that is all i have to say for the moment...

see y'all at the game tonight, and hopefully bowling will be a blast, feel free to join!




OH YEA! and.... GUESS WHO IS FINALLY A LICENSED DRIVER!!! YEA THAT'S RIGHT KATIE IS!!!!! everybody watch out... :)

i watched him through the glass... he was standing behind her a little bit as she sat in the chair, and they were very close. she had in her lap a puppy, he was fat, and happy, and was licking her face. she was laughing, and scratching the puppy's head, and the more she laughed the more he licked her face.

and all the while he stood behind her and watched, and you could tell that he loved her more than she would ever know. his face crinkled up in a smile, and his eyes twinkling... and i felt happy for them, because i love them both, and they are wonderful, and deserve to be happy...

love finds you when you least expect it too, it certainly did for them. and sometimes i think, that is the most beautiful love imaginable.

much love,

katie

and as i stood there and listened to the rain fall upon the tin roof,
i heard the echo of a thousand sad voices,
and there in the empty aisle i let my tears fall silently along with theirs,
my sadness muffled by the rain.

and suddenly my sorrows seemed so insignificant compared to theirs,
and yet, the tears kept on coming,
and i let them.

while the sound of the rain upon the tin roof,
in the empty aisle, hid my sadness from the world...

and as i sat there in the theater full of little five and four year old kids and laughed along with them i felt free again, if only for the hour and a half long that the movie was.

i felt free because i was no longer 16, i was just another kid, watching and laughing and thoroughly enjoying a movie intended for four and five year olds. the darkness of the theater stole my age, and took away all the troubles and stupid trivial problems of my 16 year old world.... and i could laugh again....

i was just a kid again, if only for an hour and a half, and let me tell you, it was wonderful...

life would be boring if there wasn't someone there to make it hard....

think about it, it makes sense....


however, there would also be a lot less to complain about...

i love my uncle jon. he is a crazy guy, full of love and life... my mom calls him the black sheep of the family, and when they were kids he really was. he was the youngest out of four, and by the time he came around i think my grandparents were just plain tired, so he got away with pretty much anything ...

he isn’t perfect, he dropped out of high school, smokes and when it comes to examples, he isn’t the greatest, or rather i should say, he wasn’t. now he is married, and works his ass off everyday to keep his head above water. he realizes his mistakes, but doesn’t regret a minute of his life. he is intelligent. he recognizes the reality of the world today and his faults, and wants only the best for his family.

Every time i see him i am reminded of just how good life is. he loves me to death, which he tells me, and i can always see the love radiating from his eyes. he is proud of my mother, for raising such wonderful children, so he says, and i think sometimes he thinks of us as his own.

yesterday i got into my truck to drive him down to the hardware store in town, and at first i thought he wasn’t coming, because he stood outside just looking. Then he got in sat down next to me, and looked at me with his dark brown eyes, full of tears, and told me that i was going places in the world. he told me that i wasn’t a little girl anymore, but overnight i grew into a young woman, and that scared him more than anything. we sat in the driveway for a good half hour while he told me all about when i was a baby, and how he used to baby-sit me, and what i did as a goofy little kid, and even though i had heard all of the embarrassing, and stupid stories a million times before i let him tell me again. and this time they took on a different meaning. the stories he told me, were no longer about me and my brother, but they were about him. he never included himself in the stories other than saying, and then you said to me.... but i will never forget the way he told me those stories, and the love and detail he remembered about each moment.

i find it amazing how we impact other people's lives... love is such a strange and wonderful emotion. And I love my uncle jon, he is a wonderful, wonderful man. i wish sometimes i had his bright outlook on life....

much love,

katie