i just want you to know that i still think about you.

you may be gone forever but that doesn't mean you aren't still on my mind.

you will never read this, you can't, but i still care, i still hurt, i still love.

it doesn't matter that you will never see this, as long as i have it written down i will always remember.


i wonder, does it rain up in heaven as it does here on earth? when we have cloudy days do you have cloudy days? or is your heaven a faraway and exotic place? does your heaven always have sun? are you young, are you old, or are you as you were when you left?

but mostly i wonder, and is there room for me in your heaven? i hope that there is, i hope you remember. because there is a place for you in my heaven.

i still love you. and i always will.

and i just hope that you still know that.

so the extra long weekend went something like this. let's recap;)

thursday after school i worked, almost ran out of gas on my rush home, and then to the extravaganza. the number one act of the evening was of course Lauren watka and Ben. your singing absolutely gave me the chills... it was wonderful! afterward i ran over to anna's to let the dogs out and then back home to get all my stuff for the long weekend ahead of me.

stayed up late on thursday, eating hungry mans version of nasty fried chicken and mac and cheese for dinner, and watching shows on the disney channel we hadn't seen in ages. ducktales, because when you have a huge screen satellite tv at your disposal what is better than ducktales?

wake up around 10 on friday with the tv still on and the dogs asleep on the couch with us. how we all fit comfortably is beyond me, but i slept damn good. we go outside in our pjs and the day is frickin beautiful! it was like practically shorts weather it was sooo nice. taking care of the chickens and bunnies is next on the list, so we go out and collect the eggs and feed and water the animals while the dogs jump around almost as excited as we were about the weather. fresh eggs and bagels are for breakfast and then eventually a shower. we also serenaded the ups man when he came to the door and we were singing full house at the TOP of our lungs,
"Everywhere you go, every place there's a heart, somebody who needs you!"

then decked out in t-shirts and sunglasses we hit the road with the windows down and the music blasting. jack johnson, because he is perfect for our summery mood. i visit home for a bit, and then head out to get icecream and scope out prices of things for ashley's boss. i don't care, because i get free icecream on a perfectly summery day. and to top it all off we see a dog riding in a car sticking his head out the sunroof. :) summer is here. or at least on the way. then we head over to newbury comics check out our fav section, think about all the cds we would buy if we had money... and then finally take the extra $20 ash has and buy the hcj dvd. damn lucien and leroy! hahaha.... then ash went to work, and i dont remember what i did. but i did something.... had some plans to go out bowling with heather and meg, but that didnt work out cuz ash worked late. so we just ended up crashing and watching some more hcj. it was a good time... although ashley thinks that he sings better than i do.... i'm not so sure.

fell asleep sometime after that, and then woke up early on sat to go to work. had a really good day at work, because i got to wear a tshit all freaking day! it was great! and everyone was in really good moods. came home that night showered and chilled with ash and meg for awhile, and then ash and i went out to see jersey girls at 930, just because we could. wicked cute movie, you should go see it. came home ate some cold chinese food and then went to sleep eventually.

sunday morning we wake up, and head out to the hen house to take care of the chickens. i am totally trying to change the water when the next thing you know the fricked huge ass rooster comes and attacks me, like claws out and beak pecking and everything. i pretty much freak out scream and jump behind ashley, while kicking the rooster at the same time, ash shoos him out with a rake, and i am left the complete joke of the morning, with a scratch on my leg from his beak and with chicken shit on my sock from jumping back out of my shoes. not so much fun.... that day i pretty much spent reading, and then that night ash did my latin and math homework while i read more history... overall we took great care of the house, and animals. we could totally pull off living on our own, except for the whole job work money thing.... lol...

this morning, we get up ontime, and i get ready right away.... ashley on the other hand, not to break with tradition, takes forever, and makes us late. because i dont think the girl is capable of getting to school ontime. haha... oh well, can't be obsessive compulsive about everything right?

overall it was a frickin awesome weekend.

"how much do you love me?"
"i love you from here to the chair."
"no you don't, you love me from here to the moon and way back down to the dirt."
--and after he says that it takes all i have to walk out that door.
~jersey girls

much love,

katie

Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong one, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me

Look into your heart pretty baby,
Is it aching with some nameless need.
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it
Right then, roll to me

And i don't think i have ever seen a soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?

So don't try to deny it pretty baby,
You've been down so long you can hardly see
When the engine's stalled and it won't stop raining
It's the right time to roll to me

Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong one, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me...

~del amitri
roll to me

life isn't always what you expect or want it to be.


get used to it.

ohhh man... what a great weekend.

snowball fights with friends, running away faster than i thought possible.
HOLY SHIT! (nothing more needed here.)
amazing concert. amazing people.
staying up till 4:30 AM, just talking.... 2 and a half more hours and it would have been 24 hours.
realizing what trust can do in a friendship, and finding that trust in someone.
waking up to your smiling face.
prom dress shopping trip with some wicked cool girl ;)
finding an amazingly hattttt prom dress.

smiling because life is just that good.

:)

where is home?

home is where people smile warmly at you.
home is where you can laugh freely.
home is where you can dance around and sing at the top of your lungs without caring who hears.
home is where you can cry till there are no more tears, and no one to tell you to stop.
home is where you can be incredibly stupid, and still be loved.
home is where you can tell your deepest darkest secrets, and still feel safe.
home is where you can eat chocolate till your heart is content, and have no one tell you to stop.
home is where you can be you.
home is where you can play with all your childhood toys and not be laughed at.
home is where you can stay up till five AM just to talk, or just to hear your best friend laugh.
home is where you can speak your mind.
home is where you can find your dreams.
home is where you feel safe.
home is where you feel loved.
home is in your arms.
home is in your eyes.
home is in your heart.
home is....

home is anywhere you are.

and by you, i mean all of my friends, all of my family, all of me.

home is where the heart is.

everything that needed to be said, could be seen in your eyes.

and sometimes that is enough.

i take that back.

life is too complicated at the moment to think thoughts such as those. if things were simpler than maybe. but they aren't.

besides, i like this, i love this, i don't want anything to change. i am not a fan of change.

but it doesn't mean i don't wonder, because i do.

i wonder almost every time i think about you. but it's ok, because it has never been better than this, and that wouldn't work anyways...

probably...

maybe...


oh well... being curious will have to do. for now, i'm not a cat, it won't kill me for the time being.

love always.

he is the kind of guy that tucks you into bed each night, and greets you at the door each morning with excitement and affection. he is never stingy with his kisses, and looks at you with such earnestly it makes you want to cry.

he is the kind of boy that will come into the room just to be near you, just to make sure you are ok. he is the kind of boy that never asks questions, he just knows by looking at you. he is the kind of boy that would risk his life to defend you, no matter what the obstacle or danger.

but most importantly, he is the boy that will stand by your side, whether you are happy or sad, angry or upset, crying laughing, anything. he is the type of boy that will not run away, no matter what.

he is my puppy, my little Bentley. And I love him with all my heart.

a girl is lucky to have such a loyal dog.

i am sorry. i am a freak. i love snow.

its just so pretty.

there is something fantastically romantic about it. i absolutely love it, and the way it sticks to the trees, and muffles the sounds of everything, and is so clean and pure.

but don't fret too long dears, summer is just around the corner...

this is just a way for the New England weather to laugh at you, and make sure you are always on your toes. :-)

just let your dreams be dreams.
j.j.

it was dusk, and the sky was a beautiful deep purple as the sun set. we were walking down the driveway, into the sunset. it was still unseasonably warm, and i was quite content walking in silence, but often, with little children this becomes awkward, so i began to talk to her.

we talked about school, and the other after school activities she did, other than horseback riding. she wanted to start gymnastics she told me, because her friend jesse does.

i asked her if she was excited that the spring was coming, she looked at me and smiled, exclaiming, "Oh yes, that means my birthday is almost here."

"when is your birthday?" i ask her

"september, september 28th." she replies. "i am going to be 5 years old."

apparently spring is almost the same thing as fall when you are four, but nevertheless her cute little grin, and squeaky excited four year old voice made me smile.

"five years old," i say, "that's pretty old, you will be going to kindergarten soon, that's exciting."

"five is ok, but i can't wait until i am 11." she says with earnest.

"11, eleven is a ways off my dear, why is it you want to be 11?" i ask, truly curious.

"because that's how old Stephy is, and i want to be just like Stephy." she replies.

"who is Stephy?" i ask.

"My big sister. I want to be just like her when i grow up." julia tells me with a smile.

i look up at her, on that big horse, sitting there with a proud grin on her face, thinking just how exciting it would be to turn 11, to turn 11 and be just like her big sister stephy. it makes me smile, because of course, when she does turn 11 in another 7 years, her sister will be 18. and most likely she will no longer wish that she is 11, but that she is 18, just like her older sister stephy.

i do hope that stephy knows just how lucky she is to have such a cute and sweet little sister, and i hope that she sets a good example for her.

4 going on 11. as i thought about this, i was glad for the setting sun, for her grin brought a tear to my eye, a tear that i did not want little julia to see, for fear it would upset her if she thought she caused it.

4 going on 11, a small child with a big dream...

in this class anything can happen. it's just like disney, but a lot less fun...
-Megan on Pre-Calc with Mrs. Antuna.

oh how much fun.