you told me once that love is one of the hardest and also one of the most wonderful things you have experienced in your life, and that despite that you still didnt want to love again for a while, your heart still hurt.

a few minutes later you said, why is it that you can fall so easily in love with your friends? it almost always hurts you?

and i said, you are supposed to love your friends.

and you said, not like my buddies, i love them, i mean like the kind you feel in your chest, the one that makes you feel so good inside it hurts.

and to that, i had nothing.

im pretty sure you dont remember this conversation. it was late at night, and you werent exactly yourself. but then again, you never know.

other things were said, things i would rather not write, and i dont remember if you remember some of the things i told you, but if you do i want you to know i meant them.

i was smiling on the inside.

love always,

katie

it seems that the hardest thing in the world for him is to say goodbye. no matter how much he loves or cares about you, it doesnt matter if you are going away for ten minutes or ten years, he still cannot do it.

it makes me wonder sometimes if maybe someone left him when he was younger, someone left him without saying goodbye, and maybe they never came back. maybe they never came back and he still hopes that because they never said goodbye they will find their way back to him.

or maybe he just cant do it. maybe he doesnt want to say goodbye because people we come across in life and people that touch our hearts will always be with us no matter what. they will always be in our minds in our thoughts in our hearts. so he has no real reason to say goodbye.

he makes me wonder. but i will never question it. it is something that is completely him, and i love it about him. its the little things, you know.

"and if you never stop to say goodbye you just might find if you give it time you may wave hello again, you just might wave hello again."

she is lonely and sad, and wants more than anything to go for a walk in the sunshine. she is wearing clothing that doesnt belong to her, and that makes her feel loved and special, but still alone.

flowers make her smile, and hearing the birds chirping makes her laugh out loud. she wants to be loved, and wants to love. but she is afraid to let her heart go, because to have it broken is something she is so afraid of it makes her cry sometimes.

she wants to be liked by everyone, and she hates to fight. sometimes she says things that she doesnt mean, and doesnt know how to take them back.

when she hurts she keeps it to herself for the most part. she doesnt want anyone else to deal with what she thinks is often trivial, but usually important.

if she trusts you she complains to you. she hates herself for doing it, but only people who truly care know when something is wrong.

she hates complaining. she hates herself sometimes. sometimes she says things that she doesnt mean, and hurts later because of it. sometimes she feels like the biggest hypocrite in the world, and she hates herself even more for that, because she hates above all else hypocritical people.

she hates it when people tell her she is wrong, even though she knows it is good for her. she is incredibly stubborn, and incredibly committed to being right all the time.

she isnt right all the time. sometimes she says things that she doesnt mean.

sometimes she says things that she doesnt mean, and she is very sorry about that.

she loves flowers, and the sound of birds chirping makes her laugh. she likes to drive fast with the windows down and the music loud. she wants to go for a walk, and she wants to be alone, but at the same time she wants someone to walk with. someone to hold her hand, someone to tell her she is wrong, someone who will understand, someone who will fight with her when she is wrong. someone who won't give up too easily, because to let her win all the time is wrong.

she wants to go for a walk and see flowers so she can smile, and hear the birds chirping so she can laugh, and feel the warmth of the sunshine so she can feel alive, and be able to love, and to know that everything is all right.

this weekend was great. (other than paige and her accident! :*(.)

bonfire friday night with the guys and shley, whom i missed a great deal.
work saturday, and then suprisingly a fun shopping experience, (not usually a fan of shopping)
beautiful day sunday, windows down, music blasting, sunglasses on, and the cutest dog ever in the car in front of us with its head out the window...
also included chasing a mischievous cat, playing on the tire swing, and climbing trees. a fun filled kid day all the way.
and then sunday night i got to see paige, who seriously cannot be hurt, because i need her to run my daily marathons with!

i probably wont be home, most of the rest of the week, but i figured if i didnt write something when i was home paige and ash would get mad. ;) so sorry girls, this one isn't my best, but hopefully i can come up with something good when i get back.

have a wonderful vacation. dont do anything i wouldnt do.

love always,
katie

everything seems to be a mess lately, and it all seems to be my fault. and i feel so torn, between everything.

i am no longer stuck in the middle with you. in that happy place where we were happy and knew everything that was horrible that was going on around us, and knowing that we were safe from that mess, because we were reasonable good people. and we got along no matter what.

but now im in my own little world, and it is very alone. and its not your fault either, i put myself there. i didnt know where else to go, because we always talk about everything, and i felt that i needed to think about this by myself. but i find myself deeper and deeper into something that i cant handle the more and more i think.

it scares me everytime you say you are done, hell it terrifies me, i try not to let you see, but it scares me. and it scares me more when you say you just want to leave. i know its my fault, well not fully, but i know that i am not helping the situation. and sometimes when i think about the fact that you want to leave so badly it just makes me want to cry.

i am not ready for you to leave. i am not ready at all. i dont know if i ever will be, but i certainly am not ready now. i will miss you more than anything. you are my sanity, your my safety, you are the person that can always make me laugh, you are the person that i turn to for just about everything. you are my big little sister. and i dont know what i will do without you. it is making me cry just to read these words on the page.

i screwed up a lot of things. we are no where near as good friends as just a few days ago, and that is my fault. i am distancing myself, trying to figure it all out. but i value your opinion so much, it means so much to me, and thats why i hurt so much.

and its hard to talk to you about all of this. partly because i know what you would say, and partly because i think i need to figure this one out on my own.

but i love you, you know that. and you are so incredibly important to me it is ridiculous, i dont know what i would do without you. you are my best friend. and as far as i am concerned, nothing and no one can change that.

so lets forget about this crap, (since part of the time, i dont even know what it is) because its not worth the worry, and lets laugh like we used to, and lets go out and play the radio loud, and sing like we used to, and smile and laugh, and not ever feel sorry, because we never had a reason to before, so why should we now?

maybe we could even go for a drive and get a candy apple, or ice cream like the good old days, when we just needed a little cheer.

talk to me please, i can see you are hurt, i want that to end.

understand me. understand that i am not always the same person. sometimes i can be crazy fun, and sometimes i just want to go for a drive in the rain to think, but know that i always enjoy company. be patient. sometimes when i get really upset i argue about frivolous things. let me yell, and then let it pass, because in ten minutes when i am no longer angry, i will be the sorriest person you have ever met for acting so childishly. dont always agree with me. contrary to my own belief i am not alway right, no matter how badly i want to be. dont let me win arguments that i shouldnt. respect my own, and your intelligence. Disagreements are healthy, they are needed in every relationship. understand that i can have my bad days along with my good days. but the bad ones are few and far between, and the good ones can more than make up for that. know me, because i want to know you. know me. find out my faults, help me become a better person, and i will do the same for you. know that when i watch movies i always try to predict the endings, and if you have seen it already, never tell me how it ends no matter how many times i ask, in reality i dont want to know, and i will just be angry if you do tell me.

trust me. trust me when i say i will be there. trust me when i promise you something, i will come through. if you dont trust me, i can never trust you. trust me to catch you when you fall, and expect that sometimes i will ask this of you. sing to me. sing me sweet songs, and i won't laugh, no matter how well or poorly you sing, because if it is from the heart it doesnt matter. play me music, because musicians and musical talent get me everytime. let me meet your family. family is important, and your family should be as important to me as you are.

smile at me, and let me smile at you. laugh with me, and at me when appropriate. tell me your deepest darkest secrets, and i will tell you mine. tell me your dreams, tell me your wishes no matter how silly. tell me your desires. tell me about your past. let me know things about you that no one else knows. let me help you find yourself, and help me find myself.

take me places that you like to visit. show me what you love. tell me about your passions, because i want to know. what is important to you is important to me. listen to me talk about my passions. care. plain and simple, care about what i have to say, because i certainly will care about what you say.

take me on adventures. let us explore places together that we have never been too.
let me be alone sometimes as well. i need my alone time and so do you. being together all the time is not healthy. plus, being apart will only make the times together more special.


love me for who i am, and i will return that love and i will love you for who you are.

Put on my blue suede shoes and I,
boarded the plane,
touched down in the land of the delta blues,
In the middle of the pouring rain.

W.C. Handy - won't you look down over me
Cause I got a first-class ticket
And I'm as blue as a boy can be

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel?

Saw the ghost of Elvis
On Union Avenue
Followed him up to the gates of Graceland
I watched him walk right through
Now security they did not see him
They just hovered 'round his tomb
There's a pretty little thing
Waiting for "The King"
Down in the Jungle Room

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
Do I really feel the way I feel

They've got catfish on the table
They've got gospel in the air
And Reverend Green be glad to see you
When you haven't got a prayer
You've got a prayer in Memphis

Now Muriel plays the piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
She said
"Tell me are you a Christain"
I said "Ma'am I am tonight"

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel

Walking in Memphis

outside the wind was blowing. but inside it was rather quiet. we were all working hard, doing our own things together, working together separately as he calls it. we work the best in this manner.

just the three of us. it was almost as if it was meant to be. we just have that everlasting friendship, and bond that makes working together perfect.


i don't know what will come of us in the future, but i do know this much,
you will always be in my heart.

and somehow i think, we will always find our way back to each other, in some way or another.

because some things are just meant to be. and why mess with something like that?

it was a feeling.

it was a moment.

it was a million moments all jammed into one.

it was a smile.

it was a million dances.

it was feeling like a fool. (Shoulder)

it was talking to an estranged friend about old times and feeling as if nothing had changed.

it was finding out who actually cares.

it was dancing in the moonlight.

it was pretty dresses.

it was hot tuxedos.

it was pictures, and smiles, and laughing.

it was dancing like a fool.

it was dancing in general.

it was an unforgettable night.

with unforgettable people. thank you.

and there was never a more deserving queen.

Jr. Prom 2004 baby.


p.s. paige you totally stole my blogger idea... what can i say, great minds think alike. ;)