i no longer dream at night. i fall asleep in a bed that is far away from 'home,' and sleep so soundly that only puppy kisses and hugs can wake me up in the morning.

and then we spend our days together in the hot sun, making our life's work into art and beauty.

smiles, tired greetings and blue ribbons make the days pass quickly into night, and i fall alone again into my bed to spend another night without dreams.

but its ok to go dreamless at night. i really dont mind.

because i am living my dreams during the day.

and how could you top that?

summer has started with a frenzy, and i am greatful for so many things.

the bahamas was absolutely amazing, despite the weather in the beginning, ashley and i as always made it fun.

work is unbelieveable, i love it so much i cant even explain.

i havent been home in a really long time, and i havent seen or talked to lots of people in a really long time.

orientation is tuesday, im nervous about that.

and i miss paige like woah.

weird. i just wrote a completely straightforward blog. maybe im sick or something.

change is on the wind.

i came home last night, late. very late. and in trying to stumble my way around i tripped over the dog, who woke up and looked at me like i was crazy.

he didnt greet me at the door, tail wagging, barking.

it sounds stupid, but i didnt feel missed. my puppy didnt care that i was home after being gone a week.

weird?

there is still a lot of leaving left to do.

yes, we did make it. NM Class of 2005.
Here is to today's beauty, tomorrows adventures, and yesterday's memories.
*keep in touch.

there is this nasty bitter feeling deep in my heart, and a lump in my throat that has been growing these past few days. i have secrets, and i dont want to tell them, so my face remains expressionless, with the exception of a sometimes fake smile.

it is crumbling fast though, this mask, and im not sure how much longer i can keep it up.

you see, i do this routine, when things fall apart or come to an end. i distance.

i run away from the thing that hurts me, and i distance myself from people and things, because i think maybe it will cushion the blow.

i dont give hugs to the teachers i know i should and i know i will miss. i dont stay late at bbq's with my friends, or go out for icecream after award ceremonies. because i know this is the end. i know these are the last few times i will see these people, and i dont like to think about it. i dont like to feel it, i dont like it at all.

im sorry, and im selfish. but that is what i have been doing. it is my biggest defense mechanism. and i dont like it at all.

. . . d i s t a n c e . . .