The ticking of a clock drives her nuts, but the ticking of a clock soothes her, and puts her to sleep.

She is obsessive about neatness, and she is a pig.

She looks at the moon and sees love; she looks at the moon and sees loneliness.

She likes cats, and she likes dogs.

She drinks French vanilla, and she likes hazelnut.

Her laugh is loud and fulfilling, hers is a timid giggle.

She is afraid to speak to strangers; she plows the way, speaking for her.

She has brown eyes and brown hair, and she has blue eyes and blond hair.

She is nice no matter what, she can be a bitch.

Hair up, hair down.

She loves younger men, she older.

She is a summer beauty, she is an ice queen.

She is older, she is younger.

She drinks out of the punch out coffee hole, and she the straw.

She is particular about almost everything, right down to her eating habits, she takes things as they come.

she likes polka dots, and she blue.

but...

These are just little things that make them different, and to list all of the things that they do have in common would just take much too long...

i just want you to know how lucky i am to have you as a friend. damn lucky. so damn lucky it hurts sometimes.

and what matters most is they are the very best of friends, and nothing can change that.

**Nothing. Ya hear me?** and that is one of the greatest things about it.

Let's become little old ladies together-
We'll stay up late looking at old pictures,
telling "recap" stories, and laughing,
TILL OUR SIDES ACHE.

Let's become eccentric together-
the kind of old ladies who take long walks,
wear silly hats, and get away with acting outrageous in public places.
And if anybody should ask
how long we've been friends,
we'll say,
"Oh, forever-since before you were even born!"

Let's become old ladies together,
because
a friendship
that's as special
as ours
can only grow better
through the years.




for yelling to me across the room, before I could even see you.
for singing to me.
for giving me a present a day early, because you wanted to be the first person to.
for remembering, period.
for calling, out of the blue.
for hugging me.
for everything you are.
for everything you could be.
for anything at all.

and most of all just for being you.

I love you, all of you, so much.


today was one of the best birthday's ever, thank you!

17 baby, seventeen and ready for the world.

"Meaning"

Hail to the light that my baby watches me
In the darkness of the window
I can hardly get to sleep
Wish for the hour that
The nighttime soon shall pass
And the morning dew will bring us
To a day our souls can last

Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love

Situation candlelight
Enough to see the bits around you
But it's never very bright
Stare at a memory
You, through the grapevine, heard the truth
It's good to learn from your mistakes
But that only works in youth

Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love

Restless minds; curtain calls follow fanfares
Troubled hearts; just a walk down the hall
Restless hearts; you take a punch just to land one
Troubled minds; it's only fair after all
Mountin, the trail, but you've got it in sight
Sometimes the only way is jumping
I hope you're not afraid of heights
Reach in my pocket for a bill that isn't there
And to face all of the undoings
Still isn't more than I can bear

Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love
Giving love
Love, love
It's all been good to me
It's all been good to me
Love has reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love

Gavin DeGraw

What could be a better reason, than love?

is being happy is a foreign concept to you?

really now... i swear, everything is better when you're happy.

but then again, why listen to me? i mean, why listen to someone that knows? someone that is happy. now that would just make too much sense. wouldn't it?

The road was wet in places, in the many cracks that were a result of long hard New England winters for which we are famous and on the side of the road where were puddles had gathered as a result of melting snow and rain. the puddles were so still they reflected the trees and sky above them.

It was a beautiful sight, to look ahead and see the aged road stretched off toward the horizon. The sky was a gray blue color and the clouds were in a smooth ripple pattern as if someone up in heaven had dropped a piece of the moon or a star through the clouds somewhere faraway and the ripples were just reaching the point in the sky that was overhead.

and looking at the sky and the long road ahead made everything else feel minute in comparison to the vast beauty of the universe.

The music was turned up because one of my favorite songs that reminded me of you had just played. The window was down because it was warm out and the air smelled of wet pavement and rain and it was also my way of sharing one of my favorite songs with the world.

Everything was so peaceful and serene. The cracked road underneath the rippling clouds of the gray blue sky stretched out in front of me made me feel like driving alone just to see where the road would take me.

For some reason at the same time it made me want to cry and it made me feel happy just to be alive.

Some things in life we can’t always explain, they just are, and for that we must be grateful. Life is beautiful, enjoy every moment you can.

it is a comfortable room. with only soft light from through the drawn shades to light it. it lights the room with a soft white light, and makes everything look beautiful and everlasting. there are flowers in the room, and it smells of roses.

on the walls in the room are black and white photographs. the room is comfortable, and being inside it makes you sleepy and happy all at once. it makes you long for someone to hold you, and sleep comfortably beside. someone to make you feel safe and loved. someone to wake up beside, with the rain falling down outside, dripping off of the trees, while you lie safely in their arms, and to know that the rain cannot dampen your day, as long as your loved one is beside you.

but for the moment, being content with being alone and happy and sleepy will have to do. and will do. there is the smell of roses, and snow falling outside the window instead of rain, and black and white photographs on the walls to fascinate me, and beautiful flowers to look at.


it is just a shame that my eyes alone can gaze at their beauty.

she stands there thinking of what there is to do tomorow and the next day. she stands with her head cocked to one side, because whenever she is in deep thought she cocks her head to one side.

she stands and thinks, what will I do tonight, where will I go, who will I see?

and then she thinks, where has all the time gone?

how is it that we are here already? how did I grow up so fast?

where are my childhood memories, and days, are they hidden away in a toy chest in the attic?

where has all the time gone?

17 in 8 days...

when did I get so old?

**Note to self:

NO MORE COFFEE AT 9:30 PM. IT CAUSES YOU TO STAY UP INTO THE LATE HOURS OF THE NIGHT, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU MAY BE!

stupid girl. up late because I am addicted to coffee, and I felt the need tonight to drink some at 9:30. bad move.

but damn, hazelnut iced coffee... forgot how much I loved em. :)

"as long as you are happy... that's all we want to see. find something in life that makes you happy, and run with it. take your dreams and run with them. as long as you are happy. don't ever forget that. and remember no matter what, we will love you. Don't let other people take control, always remember it is your life."

*good thing to remember, everyone should go by this in life.


don't worry, I'll always remember.

and by the way, you mean the world to me, I don't know what my life would be like without you.

interesting isn't it, how every time i think i finally have everything under control in my life it all goes haywire.

doesn't make any sense if you ask me... but then again who said life always had to make sense.
"that's the way this wheel keeps turning now."

its not that anything is actually wrong, just that feeling i thought i had... that feeling like i was ready for anything, i lost it. to be honest i don't know if i actually had it, it was nice thinking that i did for awhile. but then, bam....

you tell me one thing today and it is completely lost. 3 or 4 little words, and woosh, its all gone. i keep asking myself what it is that i want... what will make me happy? and i can find no answer. but i think that's mostly due to the fact that whenever i try to think of my own happiness or what i want, i think of someone else instead, and what they would want me to do.

i need to find a way back to myself. to answer my question myself, only then will i know.

its ok. everything is ok. time, only time will tell.



but i wish it were easier than that. i wish you could just come up to me, say a few words, and that feeling would come back.

but life just isn't that easy, is it?

the sky was a shade of orange you rarely see as I drove to work today. it was a brilliant orange, the kind that makes you warm just to look at it.

it made me smile. for it made me think of spring. today when I walked out of school a brisk breeze blew through my hair. And for the first time in a lond time I was completely comfortable in only my sweater. a comfort I missed a great deal. and I could smell a change in the breeze.

and I think it is about time for a change. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE winter and snow. but it is just about time for a change to take place. everything seems to be so blah right now.

so I will welcome the wind of change.

I'm ready for anything now, which is a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. It feels good to be ready, for what I don't know. let's just hope for something good.

and I say bring it on...

they sit way up high, on their thrones, looking down their long noses at the people below. the princess and the queen, high and mighty, shoulders tall, looking down upon everyone.

you might think it is impossible at only 4' 11'' to look down upon someone, and yes while physically this is an impossibility if you are above the height of 4' 11'', it is not mentally. because it is managed all the time... I would call it a feat in itself, if it didn't hurt so much.

they sit upon their lavish thrones, looking down upon the people around them, and complain. you may think what is there to complain about if all you do is sit upon a thrown and look down on people all day? well I guess there is plenty, because they do it all the time.

they complain about all sorts of things. about working, about how much they have to do, about this and that, a lot about the fact that I am not one of them, because god knows life would be so much better if I was just like them. then they wouldn't have to worry about me noticing how they complain all the time.

what absolutely kills me though, is how they complain all the time about how things never get better.

how do you expect things to get better if all you do all day is sit on your royal asses and complain?

there is a question for you.

now don't get me wrong, I know I do my fair share of complaining every now and then. we all do. I most certainly am not perfect. and if I had the guts, I would tell you all of these things, I would tell you all of this, in a nicer way, but harsh enough to drive the point home. and then I would tell you that you are the reason that I am miserable most of the time. and you are the reason that you are miserable all the time too...

and most of all YOU, miss Queen, and miss Princess, are not perfect either.

take a good look around you, you are so lucky to have it that good. I love it, I love you, despite how it may seem, and you would love it, and yourselves more if you just came down off of your little thrones, stopped complaining, and enjoyed yourself and the moment for once.

Because you know, you only have one life to live, one chance. and it may sound corny, but when you are 80 years old do you want to look back at your life and regret all this time you wasted. I mean, maybe you are happy, up on your thrones complaining...

but you sure don't seem it.

we all just want to belong...
so wouldn't it make sense,
if we just all got along?


....?

he was very kind as he told you all of the things that your car needed. you were only there for an oil change, but a break light was out, and you needed a new transmission. you only had the money for an oil change and a light to be fixed, but he wrote a reminder note on the receipt for you, so you wouldn't forget about the transmission, for the next time, or when you got the money.

he showed you to the lounge, opening the door, a real gentleman, a gentleman wearing a grungy blue jump suit, covered with oil, and other work related grime, but still a gentleman. a gentleman with blond hair and kind blue eyes.

and then, when they were all done, and you went to leave, he watched you walk out to the car, and banged on the glass door to get your attention.

"Have a nice day," he shouted and then smiled at you. He shouted over the noise of the garage, and also so you could hear him through the glass.

a real gentleman, and you only waved, not even making eye contact.

what an ass.

people should not be defined by what job they hold in life, or their dirty grungy blue jumpsuits. But by their hearts.

he was a gentleman, in a blue jumpsuit, and you just looked the other way. you could have smiled, and said you too, or at least made eye contact. but you just got into the car, not even a thank you.

what an ass.

Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right,
Here I am stuck in the middle with you...



*Happy Birthday Paige!* I went to my first NM basketball game ever for you! You are my hero, Chem buddy! Love ya!

love always,

katie

A room full of excitement, screaming, yelling, swearing, jumping up and down, pacing, laughing crying, fighting, fingernail biting, kissing and celebration...

A room full of fun.

A room full of love...

It's a shame that this doesn't happen very often, parties like this that is.

Because it is so much fun...

And it makes me love you all even more.

Plus, I'm 25 bucks richer.... hehehe.

And oh yea, Go Pats! Thanks for making it to the superbowl so I can have such wonderful time with all the people I love....

love always,

katie