rest, relaxation, quiet time... and yet not at all... but that is just how i like it.

happy holidays. <3

i speak in cryptic tongues a language that was made for something i thought we could be but are not. exhaustion, tangled lines along with cryptic tongues make for understanding on the other end of the tired line close to impossible. i end the conversation frustrated at the messages unconveyed. or rather, more likely so highly masked that no one but i could understand them in the first place. i must remember when i get frustrated even i cannot understand me most of the time.

the snow circled around me this morning on my walk to class, the fluffy kind, that wraps around you, and envelopes your entire body if you stand still long enough. i wish i could wash all this away with the snow. wipe the slate clean, clean, and white. i dont feel like colors today, or tomorrow, or the day after that. i want today to be beautiful and white, and untouched.

and i want it to stay untouched for now, i want to be independent and untainted, uncolored.

i dont want you to have to share this frustration, so leave it be. because no one deserves that.

"but you were the light
that i saw first
show me your candle
i dont understand
why it comes
and by the way.....

float on through
to dream on high..."

and leave this behind.

we continue to dance around this rosebush, both too afraid to reach across to the other in an effort to connect again. the thorns i am afraid are still a little to sharp to venture close enough. and the threat of more blood spilled on this ground is too much to take. but everyday we continue with this dance the thorns just grow stronger and more deadly.

i have things i want to tell you, but i dont know how deadly their poison would be. so for now with this danger between us i will circle and wait.

because somethings (sometimes) are better left unsaid.