I drive much to fast...

I usually enjoy driving fast, I love to hear the engine revving. and sometimes, I like it when the wind blows my hair.

but today I decided that I drive much much to fast, and that it is really not all it is cracked up to be.
today I was rushing home to change to get to work on time, and I almost hit a dog. And then, I was so terrified, and flustered, and upset that I started crying hysterically, and I almost hit a tree because it is very hard to drive when your vision is impaired by tears.

and then tonight, when I was driving home, I was driving fast again, until I stopped at the end of the road, and I took a look around, and I looked up at the sky, and I saw the stars, and the Cheshire cat moon smiling down at me... and it made me wonder, what would it be like if everything in my life passed by me as fast as I pass by all the trees and houses, and pretty scenes when I drive in my car... wouldn't that just suck... and maybe it does, and I just don't know it or appreciate it enough to know it. I sure hope that that is not the case...

but in any case, driving fast, is overrated, and it is a habit I hope to break.

sometimes it is really reassuring to hear things said out loud.

its strange, i always say that i love him to death, and i do, even though sometimes that means i hate him... and i talk to him about everything...

and i know he has a certain tolerance level with people... he can only stand certain things for so long, without developing feelings of anger toward these people, and sometimes he can get really mad at me... and sometimes i think, damn, this is it, i have reached the end of the rope... he hates me, and just deals with me when i am there like he does with everyone else...

but today, today i proved myself wrong yet again. and i was shocked...

"ya know i love you lulu..."

i didn’t know what to say, because i knew he wasn't kidding, because i can always tell when he is kidding...

so me, being the sarcastic little brat that i am, replied...

"yea, i know, how could you not?" and i smiled in my oh so charmingly bratty way that i do when i joke around with him.

and that’s when i got the real shocker...

"that's true."

i love ya too... and i value all of the advice you give me, even though it may not always seem that way, and i hope you know that...

but let me tell you, it's damn good to know, that I am not just another person you tolerate. :)

love always,

katie

When I Look To The Sky

When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean I can feel you like a notion that won’t seem to let me go

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here

And every word I didn’t say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn’t dance before
And every sunset that we’ll miss I’ll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away

And while I float upon this ocean I can feel you like a notion that hope will never leave

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way

Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won’t pass me by

And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me there you are to show me

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here


***when i hear this song, i know that no matter what i will always be safe and i will always have a home, and i will never forget how to love, as long as i have people like the ones i have in my life now... because with them it is easy to love, it just comes naturally...

Merry Christmas Eve, Happy Holidays everyone....

Love always,

katie

sometimes you think you are the funniest damn person in the world...

and sometimes you are.

but even when you aren't, the fact that you are laughing at yourself is so funny I can't help laughing too...


and hell, thats what best friends are for...

it is 11:13 and i have done nothing since 9, partly because i haven't felt like it, and partly because i have been waiting for you, and you haven't come... but then again, why would you, you didn't know i was waiting... sometimes i wish i would just say these things out loud... in this situation i would normally say stupid boy, because i never like it to be my fault, a flaw i have carried all my life... but that would be just plain stupid because it is my fault....

so i will say this, stupid girl... stupid, stupid girl....

ohh well...

goodnight...

I would love to be able to come up with something clever and interesting to write about at the moment, or something that leaves people guessing as to the underlying meaning of what I am saying, because I love being mysterious, but I have neither the time or the energy for that now.

I spent the day reading a book and writing chapter summaries for chemistry, which I found was not only a complete waste of my day, but a mood killer as well. and I also took the time to look at my calendar. today is the 21st of December, that means I have exactly 3 days, not including today to finish all of my Christmas shopping... ahhh... and it also means that tomorrow, I would have officially owned major for two years, and simply thinking that makes me want to cry... although I must admit I have moved on and gotten over all of that, it still makes me sad every now and then, and it also makes me wonder how different everything would be now...

I thought about a lot of things this weekend, and how they might have turned out differently if different things had occurred... kind of like a what-if kind of thing... but in doing this I only concluded that the past is the past, and nothing can be done about it now, because we are living in terms of the future and the now, and the only thing we can do is learn from the past...

I wish I had more time. it is already 9:00 and I still want to have two essays written for history, so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow... I cannot wait until Christmas vacation, I keep telling myself only two more days, two more days and then time off... no more of that thinking crap... I plan to make this a wonderful vacation, one worth remembering...

as of now I have no plans for new years eve, but I am hoping for it to be a grand time... shley said something about a party at her house, and if that doesn't go down then maybe go into Boston to do new years with her sister... in any case I would love to spend it in the company of friends, so if anyone has any ideas, send them my way...

I wish I had something more to say, but I don't....

have a good one,

katie

I would like it very much if Schoeder was my best friend…


Schoeder is the boy in the peanuts comics that is always playing the piano, and I think he is a fabulous musician, and wonderful boy…

I would love for him to be my best friend so he could play for me anytime, and I could lay my head up against the piano, and talk to him about anything, and let the beautiful music flow through me…

That would be extraordinary…

i love music that you can feel in your bones.

because before it gets down to your bones it has to sink through your skin... and after it gets into your bones, it goes straight to your heart, and sinks into your soul..

so really, i love music that you can feel in your soul...


it gives me the chills it is so wonderful....

i am a girl that doesn't know how to handle things.. i got scared and ran... and it was horrible.

because that is what i do, i run, well, not always run, but avoid the problem or situation if i don't feel comfortable... and hell, i am the best avoider that i have ever met... i have a way of building walls around myself to protect me from the world, and avoid these things, and i only end up hurting people around me, and myself for that matter...

but i cannot run from this, and i will not...
so if and when you read this please understand, i didn't mean to hurt you, i don't want to hurt you, ever... your friendship means the world to me...


i am sorry...

really i am...

To the boy with the constant smile, in a world full of frowns.

You are always full of energy and life, and of course an ever lasting grin, even in the worst of times, when the world is frowning upon you…

and your eyes… you will always have the eyes of a child, full of wonder and life, and so beautifully blue. i just have to look at them to be reminded of your child like innocence. you are and forever will be a little brother to me, even without any relation...




and ohh, yes that smile…

i think that i could live in a snow globe...

perpetual, no infinite perfectness...

as long as i had a nice winter scene, and a log cabin with a wood stove inside... and you didn't shake it all the time, because sometimes you need to see the moon and stars making the snow glisten...

"remember that time i pushed you in the snow and made you make a snow angel with me! and then we were all cold and wet afterward!"

:) how could i forget! i practiacally got frostbite! haha gotta love it!



shley: I want to make a snowman
me: yessssssssssaaaaaaaaa!
me too, wicked bad
shley: good.
shley: we should make one together
me: i want to make a snow angel!
me: omg
me: haha
shley: and SNOW ANGLES
shley: HAHA
shley: OOPS
me: yes we should
shley: ANGELS
me: haha ESP
shley (at the same time): ESP AGAIN!
shley: lol
shley: we kick some ESP ASSSSSSS!
me: haha
me: yes we do
me: we are the bestest
shley: YES!!!! we are
shley: lol
shley: remember when we made snow angels at my house?
shley: and we were all cold and wet after
me: haha yes i do, you usually get cold and wet after you lay in the snow tho!
shley: hahaha, true
(a few minutes later)
shley: I wonder if this piece of cake is sad that I am eating it.
shley: I hope its not.
shley: haha
me: oh boy....


silly silly girl! haha, our mind reading skills are killer! lol... :)

it is days like today that make me want to stay young forever...

Over the ground lies a mantel of white
A heaven of diamonds
Shine down through the night
Two hearts are thrilling
In spite of the chilling weather . . .

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland

Gone away is the bluebird
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song, as we go along
Walking in a winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say, are you married, we'll say, no man
But you can do the job while you're in town

Later on we'll conspire
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid the plans that we made
Walking in a winter wonderland

i am smiling for so many reasons...

i love fritz he is wonderful... jen and shawn and sara made my day!

i love what i do, i could do this for the REST of my life...
love always,

katie

i think one of the most romantic places for a first kiss would be right after a wonderful evening, possibly skating, or something thoroughly enjoyable, when you were all warm and snuggly and bundled up, and your cheeks were all rosy, and a light snow has begun to fall...

and the perfect boy you are with, turns to you, and kisses you, softly, and beautifully on the lips... and the snow that is falling sticks to you eyelashes, so that when you pull apart and blink the snow falls off of your eyelashes onto your cheek and he lightly brushes them off your face while smiling down at you...


and the snow is still falling, and sparkling, and you stay close and watch it snow, your breath visible in the air, but it is indistinguishable whose is whose, because of your closeness...

maybe someday....


can you tell i love the snow?

love always,

katie

it is officially december...

december has always been a decent month, christmas, looong vacation, and my favorite, SNOW!

it was snowing today when i left school... it was strange, i had been outside not even 30 minutes earlier, and it was clear and sunny, and warm almost... and then at the end of the day i walked outside and it was cooler and snowing!

i love the snow... not when it gets old, and dirty, but new fallen snow... the kind that sticks to the trees, and makes everything look pretty and white, the kind that sparkles...

magical things happen when it snows...

the snow also makes me think of good things, like pup, and major, and happy times and wonderful people, and memories...

whenever it snowed i used to take long walks with pup... we both loved the snow, and i would bundle up in my hat, scarf, gloves and jacket and we would take off for a long walk in the snow. he used to try to catch it, snapping at it and eating the snow on the ground... i loved how we left footprints, everyone could see, a girl and her lovely dog had walked there... and i love how it sticks to your eyelashes, and you can see it there when you blink...

it also makes me think of major, just because... i think he liked the winter because that is when he went on vacation, and anytime he went on vacation he was happy...

and it reminds me of so many other good times, and memories, and wonderful people...

and i love ice-skating, and skiing, and building snowmen, and sledding, and rosy cheeks, and scarves, and winter things...

december is definitely a very good month... and i don't care what other people say, i love snow... :)

love always,

katie