everytime we go out i try to remember to bring a camera, because i want to remember these moments and these people, some of them so new, and yet so comfortable its like they have been there always. i want to remember your face when i go away, because although you won't change in a million ways i know you will change. our idea of fun as we describe it is something quite different from the ordinary, and i hope that never changes.

a good friend of mine keeps on telling me that i should never change. and i dont plan on changing that much, but everything changes, and i am scared of what college will bring. i am excited and scared and nervous, and afraid to let go.

i am mostly afraid that when i come back i wont fit into our closely knit circle. and that is something i never want to lose. call me selfish, but i love it, just as much as i love all of you.

there is something quite different about this moment, about this closeness and it gives me chills sometimes. time is something that keeps on ticking no matter how i feel or what i may or may not want at the moment. and it seems to be something i just never fully get used too.

14 more days. i think i may just be lost.

my legs are bug bitten and itchy and there are deep dark wells beneath my eyes.

but my heart is racing in a way i cant describe and the adrenaline rush from tonight's adventures is still coursing through my body, in such a manner that i cannot fall asleep.

a late night hike through the woods to a dark river and a rope swing at 11:45 at night will do that too you. but with darkness and a little encouragement, fun is the only thing that happens when we all go out.

it is always an adventure with those boys and ashley, and i love every second of every minute of it.

from the late night drives, to the rambunctious behavior, to the stories, to the laughter and tears, and daring that comes with being one of the boys.

it wouldnt be a summer without it. and with precious little time left, not only for summer, but for silliness, as brian will be leaving in december, we must take and cherish all the time that we possibly can.

because we might not ever have a chance to live like this again.

new england morgan horse show: spotlights, sweat, hardwork, beauty, pride.

it all comes with a price. we work for months, years even perfecting our craft, building relationships and bonds with our life's work. to describe it one can only simply state that it is hard. hard in that it is physically and mentally exhausting. hard in that at the end of the day it all comes down to one persons opinion. hard in the fact that that one person has no idea how long or hard you worked to get where you are, or how early you might have gotten up that day to clean stalls or braid or get everyone else's horse ready to go and because of that you are a little on the tired side. they only know what they see. and we all know appearances can be rather deceiving.

but at the end of the day, it doesnt matter what place you got. it doesnt matter what that one persons opinion is, or isnt of you. what does matter is that you are doing what you love to do more than anything in the world. what does matter is that you are going to do it until you get it right, and no one can deny it of your or stop you. what does matter is the fact that no matter how hard you worked that day you can still work harder the next to become better. what does matter is that you keep on dreaming, and keep on believing that there is and always will be a way for you to do this.

what does matter is that you can laugh and cry and be happy and proud about who you are and what you do with your life. what does matter is that you believe.

where there is a will there is a way.

i believe in miracles, i believe in fairytale endings.

but above all i believe in hard work.

and because of that i believe that there is sunshine and blues in the future.

and believe you me, whether it is in 2 weeks or 20 years, i will be around to know about it. because there is something in this that brings me to life in a way that is simply indescribable.

someday i will hit that show ring and people will take one look and just know. they will know im here not only to win, but to show them more heart and soul than they have before seen in their life, and the show of their lifetime.

i believe