i find you enchanting, i don’t know what it is about you that i like so much, but i find you to be a genuinely interesting and fun person to be around.

your hair is goofy, and sticks out from under your hat, and normally on most people this would look silly, but on you it fits just right. your eyes smile at me when you smile, and your smile is full and true. you aren’t afraid to laugh in front of me, and your laugh is fulfilling. your feet are big, but that’s alright, because when i dance with people i like to stand on their feet.

i feel comfortable when i am with you, i feel as if i have nothing to hide from you, and i am an insecure person, despite how i act sometimes. sometimes i feel like i cannot be myself around some people, and thus i am not. and i must say i hate myself for this, because it means i am outwardly lying. im a person that only comes to life with trust. and i feel like me when i am with you, so i trust you.

i find it interesting that i am writing about you, but the more i think about you to write about you, the more i smile to myself. you are a genuinely good person.

i would like to get to know you better, and i would like you to know me.

much love,

katie

today the air smelled of rain and fall, and the combination was intoxicating. i went for a drive in the rain when i was was supposed to be doing my homework, but overall i think that going for a drive was more productive than homework. driving in the rain is satisfying, and also sad at the same time. and as i drove in the rain, and listened to the laid back sound of john mayer, i thought of you, and how much i missed you.

i worry about you, i miss you, i love you....

i realized the other day how much i missed you, and its not just because you went away...

in fact i dont miss the person that went away at all, i never liked that person, but i miss the person that left home a long time ago, that left you a long time ago.

the person that i used to know. the person that i loved, the person that i shared so many dreams with. the person i shared my passions with. the person i spent everyday with 2 summers ago. the person that left at the beginning of this summer. the person that loved life, and everything about it.

you told me the other day you didnt care anymore, and hearing that made me want to cry. i knew for the longest time that you didnt care anymore, and i always wanted you to admit it, but now that you have, i would give anything in the world for you to take it back.

do you remember how much fun we used to have, do you remember how happy you were?

i do, i know you dont remember, because if you did, you wouldnt be where you are now.

come home, we all love you, come back to us... you will always have a place, our doors are always open. dont run to far... we love you.... and most of all, we miss you... i think you miss you too...

and i just want you to know, the person you were, i always wanted to be, and i still want to be. you inspired me. if that means anything anymore...

today, driving in the rain, i thought of you, and i missed you more than anything...

he curled up and slept in my lap today. well it wasnt actually in my lap, because he is far to big to fit in my lap, enormous for a 13 week old puppy, and i love him. he came over and collapsed on my lap, and it must have been within 2 minutes he was completely asleep, and within in 5 minutes so were my legs. but i didnt move, i let him sleep on my lap, and for about 30 minutes i couldnt feel my legs.

and i sat there, and looked at the big, little puppy asleep on my lap i thought about how wonderful it would be to be a innocent like that. the other morning he experienced his first snow fall. and his first visit to the vet. he looks at everything with wonder and fascination, and is so curious. i can tell he has a passion for life, and it is absolutely adorable to watch him play and experience things for the first time. he is a smart little puppy, and i love him.

i wonder how it would be to live an ignorant, innocent life, i def wouldnt mind that right about now... where the biggest thing you had to worry about was when your family would come home and take you out and play with you...

oh boy...

she is the kind of person that stands out in a crowd, and when i mean stands out im not kidding... she is tall, about 6' 1'', which i must say look gigantic when she stands next to me, at my measly 5' 3''. she has long curly hair, which she hides most of the time up in a bun, and a big nose. i make fun of her sometimes and call her beaker, but in reality, and in comparison to the rest of her body, her nose isnt that big. she almost always wears a hat, or a visor. and she tries to tell me that one of the reasons she choose her job was because she can always wear a hat... i know she is kidding, but i am sure that it is just one more thing that makes it wonderful.

my favorite thing about her is when she smiles. her smile starts in her eyes, and they get so incredibly bright, they light up the room. then she smiles and her mouth gets so wide you almost lose her eyes in the smile, because she has to close them a little, to fully curl up her lips. but you can still see them sparkle.

we are best friends, and i dont know what i would do without her... we laugh together, we cry together, and best of all we work together everyday. we both love what we do so much, and we truly understand each other. we can both fully comprehend just how much working means because we feel the same way. and that creates an awesome bond, and makes working together so much fun. we talk about everything, the fact that she is 21 makes no difference what so ever, and it shouldnt. i love her and all of my wonderful friends, and i love my work, and i love my life... and i am glad that she could remind me of how wonderful everything was and is just by smiling. thank you.

much love,

katie

Black and White People
~Matchbox 20

One more day down
Everybody has those days
Where one soft sweet song's
Just enough to clear my head

Fall on real life
Is anybody left there sane?
If we slide on over and accept fate
Then it's bound to be a powerful thing

If it's just that you're weak
Can we talk about it
It's gettin' so damn creepy
Just nursing this ghost of chance
The fiction, the romance
And the Technicolor dreams
Of black and white people

One boy head strong
Thinks that living here's just plain
He's pushed down so hard
You can hear him start to sink

And it's one last round of petty conversation
You hold on boy 'cuz
You won't go down like this?
Just roll over
Lay down till it's more than you can take

If it's just that you're weak
Can we talk about it
It's gettin' so damn creepy
Just nursing this ghost of chance
The fiction, the romance
And the Technicolor dreams
Of black and white people

So one more day down
And everybody's changin'
One soft sweet sound
Is just enough to clear my head

If it's just that you're weak
Can we talk about it
It's gettin' so damn creepy
Just nursing this ghost of chance
The fiction, the romance
And the Technicolor dreams
Of black and white people

Yeah if you're weak
Can we talk about it
It's gettin' so damn creepy
Just nursing this ghost of chance
The fiction, the romance
And the Technicolor dreams
Of black and white people

We are black and white people
We are black and white people
We are black and white people

so its all over now... and i didnt even know it was happening...

it was weird, when my mom took me home last night, and she was crying... i didnt understand... but now i do...

no one told me it was going to be this morning, i assumed it would be in the afternnoon, i would go up and play with him, brush him, tell him i loved him and then goodbye and that would be it...

but no, it happened this morning, and i didnt even get to say goodbye...

i know they feel horrible for not telling me, and they should, i am sorry, i am bitter right now, and for the moment i think i fully reserve that right...

i dont know what to think at the moment... and i dont want too...

thanks ash and lori for taking me out tonight tho, i would have been miserable alone...


i dont have much else to say...

have a goodnight...

today is a beautiful day... one of those days where i just cant stop smiling, and i dont know why... but it is wonderful... listening to music, doing homework, its crazy... its wonderful! have a wonderful day...

"Summer Wind"

The summer wind, came blowin' in - from across the sea
It lingered there, so warm and fair - to walk with me
All summer long, we sang a song - and strolled on golden sand
Two sweethearts, and the summer wind

Like painted kites, those days and nights - went flyin' by
The world was new, beneath a blue - umbrella sky
Then softer than, a piper man - one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind

The autumn wind, and the winter wind - have come and gone
And still the days, those lonely days - go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies - through nights that never end
My fickle friend, the summer wind


i love michael buble... enjoy this absolutely beautiful day, i know i am... :)

a complete stranger told me the other day that i looked just like her... i was baffled, i had to check and make sure it was actually my mother she was talking about... we dont really get along all that well, and when i look at her i dont see me, or at least i didnt... and then i started thinking about it today....

shawn always calls me mean jeanne, when he thinks i sound like her, and he does it a lot... and i dont mean, how her voice actually sounds, but what she says, and the meaning behind her words. i always used to look at him with shock, and laugh, but he was being serious..

and i always thought that was weird, because my mother and i dont always get along, its not that i dont love her, i think its more just i can manage my own life for the most part, and she really would rather be a big part of it, and she isnt... so when i handle my own problems, or when i am upset and i dont come crying to her she is insulted almost.. and i think thats why we dont always get along, she wants to be there more, and she doesnt know how, cuz i dont really let her...

the ironic thing in all this, is it was my mother who really made me who i am today, she made me into the independent young woman i am... so in trying to keep me close, ultimately she pushed me away...

but in hearing from these two people how much i resemble her, and how much i sound like her i have to reconsider my opinion. i think next time shawn tells me i sound like my mom i will be proud instead of surprised... she works hard for what she wants and believes in, and most of the time that is me, and my brother... and she makes time in the day to do what she loves, painting... i think she has it pretty damn good, and so do i. so next time someone tells me I am like her, I will look at them and thank them, cuz its really something to be proud of…

much love,

katie

go and make someone else's day...

and then tell me about it, so you can make mine....

much love,

katie

she has this laugh, that no matter what i am feeling always makes me laugh... its comes from deep down in her throat, and works its way up... and when she finally does laugh, it comes out as a cackle, her whole mouth opens up, and her face stretches, and her eyes light up, and she smiles, because after she laughs at whatever made her laugh in the first place, she laughs at herself, because her laugh is so goofy...

and no matter what i have to look at her shake my head and smile and most of the time laugh as well. her mood is contagious, or rather her laugh is contagious, and most of the time i dont know if i am laughing at what she was laughing at, or at her laugh. but in any case it is still incredibly funny, and it feels good to laugh.

and i make fun of her constantly, for her "cackle," because that is the only way i can truly describe it, it is a cackle. i tell her she sounds like a witch or a hyena...

but no matter what i love that laugh, because it is soo her. its a laugh that no one could ever take or imitate, it is uniquely her own, and when she laughs you can always tell whether she is really laughing or if she is just being polite... and no matter what, that laugh always makes me smile, even if i really dont want to....

i love my friends, i think they are wonderful...

much love,

katie

right about now i should be doing homework... but i really dont want to... and i have decided that no one can make me... i still have to go to work and feed 40 horses and clean stalls, and i am not very excited about that...

hmmm, had driving hours today, they actually showed up for once, my last time is on friday, 115-245... then hopefully, finally i can get my liscence... its been long enough... i should have had it before school started but, well thats a different story...

anyways uhh, work is gonna be really rough this week... katie is all alone! who wants to help??? haha, just kidding, but seriouosly if you arent doing anything and you love me i would LOVE IT IF YOU HELPED ME! hahah... anyways, my ride is here, im out.... work work work...

much love,

katie

i have come to the overall conclusion that no matter how many times you try to tell someone something if they dont want to hear it they never will.... and that is overall very very frustrating...


then again i think about it and maybe i just suck at trying to say things... i hope thats not it....

very frustrated.... im sorry if i am not nice.... just deal...

everytime i reach that road, i lean as far forward in my seat as the steering wheel allows, and look as far as i can down it, always thinking that maybe something will have changed from the last time i gazed at it... but today, just like yesterday, and the day before that, i couldnt see past that curve in the road. i wish that things didnt have to be this way sometimes, but then again, sometimes we have no choice in the way things are, sometimes actions occur that are beyond our control...

i hate that, i hate the feeling that i cant control what is going on around me... but does that make me a controling person? i dont know... sometimes we can only be the best we can be, and at the end of the day, its just not good enough... today was one of those days... i hate those days, but in the end i know they only make me stronger...

however i must also say that my mood did not change the fact that today was a beautiful fall day, for the most part (other than the rain)... most of the day the sun was shining and the air was crisp, and well, fallish... i love fall, the leaves, the cool air, the apple picking, it is a time for beginnings and a time for endings... i love the fall....

much love,

katie

ps if anyone wants to go apple picking i would love to :) hint hint....;)